Appreciating uni

As everyone is congregating for our first prac this morning, I can't help but to look around and wonder if they feel awkward. I honestly don't feel awkward right now, I'm too busy watching everyone wait for their friends, friends they probably would have just made within a year or two and act as though its been forever.

I suppose I have always liked been alone and I used to get embarrassed being the only one without friends,  but I'm at peace with it. I love doing my own thing and I have friends in other areas of my life. Plus I'm here to learn, not to socialise as they don't come together for me.

It's funny because I have to keep reminding myself why I'm here, here at university studying zoology and more importantly,  how I got here. It wasn't easy and I feel I need to appreciate it more.

Sometimes I allow myself to get dragged into the lives of others... no, more often than not actually. This is so sad to me, because no one is alike and I should push myself to take pride in what I have done everyday, but it is truly hard, especially after being depressed for so so long.

It has taken me a lonely Primary school, a bitchy/lethargic/topsy-turvy High-school, an angry, tiring, discovery year, a second chance/mistake at high school, a tearful/hard Certificate IV and a half-hearted Diploma to get me into uni - education-wise - but those years and experiences have taught me more than I ever would have learnt by taking another path.

Yes my path has been a long one (and still will be) but I think that this is the best way to live. I'm not missing anything and I'm experiencing uni, the way I was supposed to...

So to the Universe,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for bringing me here and helping me make peace with my past and have a bright future!

KK

Envy.

So my phone just gave me the reminder I set to do some blogging. When I wondered what I should write about, I knew straight away that it wasn't going to be a cheery subject...

This is the look I usually find myself having when I'm deep in thought.... which is often. So while reading this post, you can see what I look like.

People have really been getting to me lately. I am usually very good at shutting out those negative thoughts, but it isn't always possible as its pretty much the same as bottling thing up - I know hazardous right?

But I am a person of a different kind and I know that when I can't get something out of my head, then its usually supposed to be there.

Envy.

en·vy

  [en-vee]  

noun, plural en·vies.

1.

a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions,etc.

jeal·ous·y

  [jel-uh-see] 

noun, plural jeal·ous·ies for 4.

1.

jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.

Oh Dictionary.com - you will forever be my frien-enemy.... So that is the verdict. I wouldn't say that I really resent people that have the things that I want, I am more likely to look at myself and feel, well, discontent... So there it is - a chance for you to see me at my worst. Yes I do get jealous and envious of others, however I really try not to let it get to me!

Hang in there with me :)

KK

Wicked The Musical!

Heya readers,

I am so excited to write this post today as a huge passion of mine is the theatre. Wicked the musical is the best I have seen and I have been to the theatre quite a few times. I love the atmosphere, all of the work that goes into it, how special it all is, the acting, singing and dancing. It truly brings a story to life!

Wicked.

If you haven't heard of Wicked the musical, what is wrong with you? Ah well, I am here to teach! The musical is based on the book by Gregory Maguire - 'Wicked - The life and times of the wicked witch of the west' - sort of a prequel to the beloved film, 'The Wizard of Oz.

Check out the link: wicked the musical

The three times I have seen the musical (...yes I know, but not enough!) it has stared entertainment sweetheart Lucy Durack as Galinda, (she is gorgeous -
check her out:  http://www.lucydurack.com/) the Australian musical has also starred Jemma Rix as Elphaba Bert Newton as the wizard, Rob Mills and Steve Danielson as Fiyero, Maggie Kirkpatrick and Reg Livermore, Anthony Callea: www.anthonycallea.com and so many more fantastic actors/singers.

 I have been twice with my friend Lauren (left) and we are both big fans of the musical. Although he wasn't in the show this time, Lauren is a huge fan of Rob 'Millsy' Mills: robmills.net.au.

 The musical was at Melbourne's beautiful Regent Theatre and the streets surrounding the theatre were lighted in the green 'Wicked' theme. As you can see, I got my green on and painted my nails and dabbed on the green eyeliner!

 Before the show Lauren and I went to the elephant and wheelbarrow and listened to a country/rock singer and had a pub meal = absolute aussie bliss!

After the pub it got much fancier and I posed for some photos, reapplied my lipstick and squealed, jumping up and down inside, walking up the gorgeous stairs to take our seats. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the show to start - literally!

'Wicked' really is wicked, amazing and wonderful. The story is so imaginative, thrilling and nostalgic with a twist. I don't know what I can say, but I would have to be one of the Musicals biggest fans! I really appreciate how a show comes together bringing the story to life. I love how the songs tell the story and the props and orchestra sets the perfect mood.

Happy theatregoing!

KK

What I love about:

Winter!

- Warm gloves, beanies, jackets, boots. Out in the cold this is bliss, being able to rug up and wear such amazing apparel.

- Wearing my hair down! This sounds like a strange one, but I don't often wear my hair down because it gets in the way when I'm working, but in winter its more practical to keep my long hair down to keep me neck warm!

- Bed! In Winter it is completely excusable to use bed as an excuse to save on power to stay warm!

- Food, roasts, veggies, soups, wow my mouth is watering!

- camp-fires, indoor fires, heaters, mmmm, they not only warm me up, but the sound of the crackling wood = utter love!

From Hot chocolate, to Chai, to an Aussie Milo, I also want to try the American favourite - Cider and I did find a lavender hot chocolate I'll have to try! Now foaming at the mouth...

- RAIN! 

- Wind, yes I know I'm a weird one, but I love the sound of the branches cracking and wind howling, especially at night.....

- Fog and foggy breath, there is something sweet about breathing like a dragon while rubbing my hands together in the frost.

I love Winter! I do love all seasons, however Spring and Autumn mostly resemble Winter and the last week in Summer is hot where I live! The only thing I dislike about Winter is snow..... yes you read right. 

First of all I hate the stereotype behind snow. It is such an American Winter/Christmas theme. Here in Australia Winter is in June, July and August (shocking I know... - Pinterest and Facebook is quite annoying this time of year, filled with Summery images from the Northern Hemisphere) and an Australian Winter is very different from an American/Europe Winter. Here It really only snows in the mountains, not in the capital cities or heavy suburban areas. 

Secondly - sport. I am not a fan of Winter, snow sports, I just find them boring.

Third - I am just not keen on snow. it is my opinion and my experience. I don't hate snow, but I don't get the hype.

I am ready to really enjoy the midst of Winter now!

Happy cold times!

KK

My spirituality

So I have never really spoken a lot about my spirituality - to anyone, but I feel that it is a huge part of me and I often do things and run into people who tell me that I am a 'spiritual being.' Now I know that there are so many of you out there who are completely against spirituality and lean towards atheism or religion. But spirituality doesn't have to invade on your scientific or religious beliefs - in fact a lot of spirituality can make up religion and is harmless in the name of atheism.

Anyway, I'm not here to discuss facts, but to tell you about my connection to spirituality (and yes, typing spirituality over and over is annoying!) I like to stay pretty open minded to religion and spirit, but I think that atheism, etc. is just being closed minded. For instance, you don't have to believe in a 'higher power' to have faith right? We have faith in ourselves, our families, our life, right?

So having established that I am not atheist, not exactly religious, but spiritual, what exactly am I? Well, I don't know...
For a while I tried to be a Buddhist, but there was something restrictive about it. so I am 'undecided' I suppose - technically.

Basically I take anything as it comes, I'll listen to peoples views and decide for myself whether or not to believe. I was told recently that beliefs are restrictive. The person who told me this has a point, but its pretty loud...

So a belief can be anything, as long as you are attached to it emotionally - basically the person I spoke to said that this is bad because you are not open minded and you will never learn anything about anyone or anything because you believe.

For example: Good vs. Evil. Most of us just flat out believe in good over evil. What defines each side isn't important, but the belief in good makes us stick to it, but what happens if circumstances changes, such as war. Would defending yourself, by killing someone be evil?

Now that could be the worst example ever, but it did get me thinking about my martial arts training.(I am a black tag in Karate) I undertook training because I wanted to learn self defence and stay true to the traditions of the art. I am not a black belt because I do not want to teach people who oppose the fact that now you know how to fight, you will look for danger. It honestly gets me very, very angry. I feel the heat rise in my gut. - This never happens if you know me!

So I am a very alert person. This sometimes shows me things that I would rather ignore.... a post for another time maybe, but I notice a lot in people. I get suspicious easily and I know a good, no exceptional person straight off the bat - which is rare, they aren't common... I guess that you could say that I am very good at reading people and I see this as spiritual because I am awake in that sense and that comes into clairvoyance, psychic etc. which I'd rather not chat about...

I could go on forever, but I might put some other little pieces in another post, eg, crystals, ghosts, afterlife, etc.

Do try and stay tuned to my YouTube channel though, because I have a lot planned! Also feel free to request any videos you would like me to post. I want to focus on life, raw parts and all. there is no taboo where I am concerned, but there is stupidity, so tread carefully.

KK

Guilt.

I don't know about you, but when I feel guilty, I just want to run and keep running. Guilt has got to be one of the worst emotions I have experienced.

Tears and pain are all a part of guilt, but in the whole aspect of things, it has got to be the most useless emotions ever.

Feeling sad, stressed or happy can have benefits, but guilt - not so much. I know that half the things that I feel guilty about, don't mean anything, don't serve any purpose in real life.

I often feel guilty about disappointing others and this is such a horrible feeling that I can't understand why I feel it. I don't know why people make me feel this way, but I guess I am be very sensitive and even though I haven't done anything wrong, guilt gets to me.

Anyhow, as I have been told by many, I will keep telling myself the same thing I am going to tell you....

Never, ever let guilt get the best of you.

KK

animals, animals, animals!

Everyone who knows me, know that animals are my passion, yet I don't talk about them too much on here.... 

Growing up I used to play with spiders and help my dad feed his exotic parrots and other birds on our 2 acre farm. I would waddle around in my gumboots and just be fascinated by the world around me, it was very rare that you would find me inside even in the rain!

 The zoo was always my favourite place to go, closely followed by the aquarium, farms, the country and anywhere outdoors. I was never a thrill seeker, but I was always looking for animals, always outdoors.

 My dad has always been a great role model when it came to my passion for animals. My dad grew up loving this country as much as me, only he grew up in a time where he regularly spotted native wildlife everywhere he went, animals were so abundant, that its hard to believe, magpies and crows are probably the most common native animals we'll see these days. Dad also used to take me before dawn in the mornings when I was under 10 years old and drive the hour drive to a country region where the Toorongo river ran. Here we used to lye on the bank of the river and wait. This is one of the reasons why the platypus is my favourite animal. The awe that I treasure from these trips, was only the beginning of my enormous passion for Australia, Australian wildlife, Animal and the land, all of its elements and plants.

 I was always fascinated by the aquariums and river ecosystems, etc. I visited, because as I grew older I became scared of the ocean, I loved inland rivers and creeks, but to me the ocean become an amazing, but daunting, mythical place where I was happy to let secrets stay buried. I feel the same about outer space.

 Although my passion is Australian wildlife and I hope to end up working at Healesville Sanctuary Victoria one day, I have also worked at Melbourne Zoo, I volunteer at Werribee Open Range Zoo and Currumbin Sanctuary in Queensland. I love all animals great and small and I adore Australian animals, especially the platypus and Australian reptiles....

 I love domestic animals and livestock too, my dogs are my life, the time I spend with them are often the most precious moments I can remember and still are to this day, watching them play is utter bliss for me and playing with them, cuddling them and watching them in their day to day lives is just what life is about for me!

 I love cattle, horses, sheep and goats among other livestock, although I haven't had a chance to spend much time with them, I hope to one day.

Animals, animals, animals  - they'll always be my love and my passion, i am just excited to see where else they'll take me!

KK xoxo

Pacts

Me? making a pact... wow. I can't believe I did that.

Starting off with my daily blogs, I'd like to chat about making pacts. As I mentioned in my previous post, I don't like them, I like my freedom, so I Googled the old dictionary, just to make sure I knew what I was talking about:

pact

  [pakt]  Show IPA

noun

1.

an agreement, covenant, or compact: We made a pact not to argue any more.

free·dom

  [free-duhm]  Show IPA

noun

1.

the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint: He won his freedom after a retrial.

2.

exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc.

3.

the power to determine action without restraint.

4.

political or national independence.

5.

personal liberty, as opposed to bondage or slavery: a slave who bought his freedom.

I would say that the third definition for freedom is what I am talking about. 'The power to determine [my own] action without restraint.' - and I suppose I am making a pact with you to blog everyday.

So the reason why I am not big on pacts is because they are so restrictive - obviously for a reason, but I hate been confined and restricted, especially in a mental way. 

KK

Daily Blogs?

So my favourites tab in my browser is filled with blogs galore - inspirational blogs I have found and loved, but now being on holidays, looking through them I am disappointed.

Doesn't anyone blog any more?

Now I am not big on making pacts, because honestly I just like to live freely and not be bound by any schedule or structure, I start to feel claustrophobic when I restrict myself.... but...

I am going to see how far I can go by posting daily! Just because I am so sick of scrolling through my favourite blogs to find that no one has posted anything new!

Wish me luck,

KK

Pet profile: Angus

Please note that I don't love any of my family or pets more than another. These posts are posted in no particular order.

Angus has many nicknames and is the stockiest Jack Russell I have seen. His vet just told us that he is very healthy and just full of muscle and this is a ten year old dog! Angustus, Angus Mactavish, Augustus, Anaksunamun (yes the Ancient Egyptian Queen..) and Angle J, Angle pangle, Sir Angle J Pang as well as Gus are just a few of his nicknames (no spelling errors either...)

Angus is the son of Chloe see: http://kkspassion.blogspot.com.au/2013/08/pet-profile-chloe.html and he is still a puppy at heart, he gives his mum a hard time, gets very excited, whines, howls at sirens and goes quiet and mopes when he's in trouble. He is also very alert and in true jack Russell style - will nip you if he doesn't like you. Or growl and bite if you are a stranger, but he'll stop when he's scowled out, trust me, he knows when he's in trouble. he warms to everyone and amuses everyone too!

Angus has fathered a lot of puppies with  and he does have a soft spot for them as they grow up - except for when around the food bowl, father will snarl, curling his lips while the pups wagg their tails scoffing down the food. Angus won't dare to snap though.. He has often been seen playing with his kids too, much to his embarrassment when caught out!

Overall, Angus is an upstanding young man, protecting the property (on alert every night) and watching over the brood. he has been known to keep himself very tidy by bathing in the trough and cooling himself on hot days. He is a beautiful man and my little buddy, I love you bud!

Country vs City

You can't compare the two really. To each their own.

Personally I love the country and I think that I will always plan to live there. Living in Australia my whole life, I have always had huge dreams of owning land, farming, exploring, fishing, hunting, gardening and raising a family in the green. My dad grew up on a farm and I have always loved animals, so it has always been the obvious step, but I also love the city.

I love the special trip to the city - which is why I would never live there. The city (the one closest to me anyway) is alluring and intriguing. I guess this comes down to the way my parents made going to the city so exciting when I was little. All of the alleyways and interesting people, shops and culture of the city fascinate me and I am due for a trip!

But when it all comes down to it, after watching and reading too many sci-fi stories, I would always prefer to be a visitor to the city. I'd rather stay in Wolf creek with the murderers and rapists...

Just kidding, I'd pick the country life any day though!

KK

The long way round'

The long way around - Dixie Chicks

This song is me in a nutshell. I never thought it was, It just turned out that every chance I took, I ended up somewhere better, somewhere where I learnt a lot more than I would have along the way!

Its been a long time that I have been writing this blog and I don't get many viewers, but hey that's how we all start right?

So I am going to add more pictures and although I have no regrets on anything I have written, I am going to try and stay more relevant instead of blabbing on...

If you haven't checked out my business blog: Never Doubt Nature then you should! I have a lot of upcoming projects on there and let me know if you have any ideas - I am always open!

I'm also trying to start a couple of youtube channels to go with my blogs, so check them out too: Never Doubt Nature and KK's Life.

As some of you may know, I am now at university and studying Zoology in my second year. Boy is it a roller coaster! I mean it's hard, but I'm never quitting!

Anyway, here's to always taking the long way around!

KK

Some changes??

Hey guys,

I'm going to be making some changes to KK's passions as I have no idea how many readers I have out there! If you are reading, I appreciate any comments and I will be putting a poll up to get some reader feedback.

My other blog: http://neverdoubtnature.blogspot.com.au/ is also worth a mention as I will be creating a company which donates a percentage of its procedes to different charities. For more information, check out the blog and the youtube video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXBJ52PlkZ8 I made about it - and PLEASE comment and let me know what you think! Designs and products will be up shortly with links to the charities I will be supporting and my youtube channels/s.

My other youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChrdaLcTkFbn7qqmMCHan6A will incorporate this blog (kkspassion) and my everyday life. So stay tuned and please please, please, let me know what you think!

KK

A little cartoon inspiration

Who loves Disney? Who loves Pixar? Who loves Warner Brothers? Dreamworks? Etc. Etc. Etc. Who remembers their childhood? I do.

The thing about adults who create these masterpieces, films, cartoons and animations, is that they aren't afraid to dream. They bring tiny pieces of magic into our lives, to be enjoyed by young and old. I think that what they are doing is creating a sane world for us to believe in something beautiful. And its comforting.

I don't think I could count the amount of people who go absolutely crazy with fan-art/fiction/etc. After a cartoon is released. What is it about these that makes us want to allow it to fill up a major part of our lives - downloading the theme song and playing it over and over until you know every lyric and choosing clothing, hair and make-up to look exactly like that hero or heroine? We make puns and match characters from other stories and niggle away at the facts until we discover a new cartoon or show.

We all want a little magic in our lives. Is this the only realistic way we can get it without seeming crazy? It isn't crazy if everyone does it, right?

Why don't we believe in more magic?

KK

Just do.

People are weird. The things we worry about have become so artistic and complicated. Why do we insist on making life so hard? Life is so so simple. I assume that we just enjoy the drama (duh, we are human beings) but why?

Life, in its simplest form is difficult. I am so sorry if I am getting confusing here, but all of the things I blab on about - nature, humanity, books, photography - are made complicated by us! Only us! I think that we need to ignore our curiosities every now and then. I mean, stop thinking so scientifically, so ethically and just stop pondering. Just do, or watch, be. Don't think. I see you thinking. Stop.

If you want to search for a butterfly, don't research it first. Go for a drive and sit for a while. If it comes it comes. If it doesn't. You can research tomorrow.

I normally don't like to note the events that cause me to spill my guts on here, because I don't like to make anyone feel guilty, but this new year (2014) I really want to interact more, meet more people, improve friendships, etc. And I am noticing the reasons why I haven't before - we ponder love, we ponder friendship. Is it chemicals, do I really want to see them today... STOP. DO.

I am so scared to go out and meet people in my generation, because they just don't seem to see the simplicity of things, no one sees beauty. This is the most troubling thing about Gen Y. Why? I'll stop right there and just DO!

KK

A little perspective please!

Wow life has ways of challenging you, but if you aren't open to it, you just don't see these things. I have recently spoken to several people on what seemed like a lost cause - I wasn't sure about life in general and it had all spawned from my first year of uni, but not just uni, just all of the changes surrounding it all.

These people I have spoken to have been totally random, one lady I walked into a shop and ended up chatting for at least an hour. Soon after I got a job... in a pet shop.

The next person was a surprise for my birthday. I spoke to this woman about current events and how unsure I was about my uni future. Then a family member was made redundant and I had some perspective on how easy things can slip from your grasp, so I am in the best situation possible.

The third lady I spoke to told me that I should be teaching people and by becoming a vet I would be helping pet owners or society with wildlife awareness. Then I went to work and got really passionate about one case a customer asked about...

Now these three people where a crystal healer, psychic and natural therapy counceler, but if i didn't tell you that, they could very well be everyday people.

Now you may just think that I have gone into my nutso spirals about spirituality, etc. but really, this post is just all about perspective. Anyone could have mentioned these things to me and I would have listened and thought, (most likely my subconscious would have made things very clear too) and had a change of perspective of where I am in life.

I am still struggling so much, but I am getting there and I really hope that if you are reading this and struggling with life, that you listen and do things that you enjoy eveery now and then. Sometimes others just see a lot clearer than you - no matter who they are.

KK

Youtuber

G'day Guys,

So I have just started Youtube! Here is a peek into my first video. More coming soon!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoCkV__SAu4

Avoiding

I have been avoiding some things for - I hate to admit - over a year now... Between 2012 and now(2014), there has been a lot of grief for me and I know that everyone mourns differently, but I find that my way is so strange. I can put grief down to all of my problems, because I have never experienced anything so traumatic before.

Don't get me wrong, my problems are minimal compared to the average persons, or anyone's for that matter, but this is my blog, so I'm just saying.

So I have been avoiding writing properly for over a year now - and yes, I mean my stories, blogs, poems, eveything. It all has just seemed too hard. I'm unfocused and bored, to be blunt...

But the thing is that no matter how long it takes - I never give up once I start something.

'I may be a slow walker, but I never walk backwards." - Abraham Lincoln.

It may take a while until the storm is over, but it will pass one day, so I am determined to persevere.

KK

Romeo save me

Everyone wants to be swept up into romance. Everyone want this great love and a happy ending. Whether its career, a partner or just life, we all want happiness right? Not necessarily - but that's off the point...

Everyone I know has a story to tell about romance - usually involving partners - although I do have some close family and friends who I only know to be career driven. These stories are what should make us happy - it is about the journey. However, I think that all a lot of us want, is for someone to come along and save them.

Romeo save me.

Because I can't save myself.

When I started writing this post, I wasn't thinking about serious saving, I was going to write about the shallow - I have a room full of material items and I'm alive and healthy, but, but, but.... BUT, I'm going to delve deeper.

Depression. Yes. The 'D' word.

I am very observant and independent, so I see some things that my friends and family don't seem to. I can tell who is hiding something and when to be suspicious, but I also know when to be proud and hopeful.

Many, many people in my life are severely depressed. Almost every second person I know is battling some kind of demon - and half of them don't know it. These people, my friends and family are just living their lives, being ignorant. Is ignorance bliss? I can't really say myself, but for me personally, it isn't, but I want to make it perfectly clear that knowing everything - or at least too much - is certainly not bliss - and unfortunately I know a few people who believe knowledge is power.... (perhaps another post for this one.)

But I am talking about the story of depression and love. In just about every fairytale, the prince saves the princess and they live happily ever after - why not? Why can't we see that these stories have a point to them? Yes, the feeling of intimacy can be the most amazing thing in the world, but when our intimate partner isn't by our side, we go back to our (depressing) lives. We just switch. Things seem to resume like Romeo was never there. And then, well we feel angry that our happiness resolved around them. But the big problem is that we tend to forget the bad place we were in when Romeo comes back or another partner comes into our life!

WTF?

Human nature is a strange phenomenon....

That is all for now.

KK

Suspended coffees

I'd just like to point out a charity that I actually support, because it shows that small deeds go a long way and you don't need a big organisation to make a difference - that we may or may not need.

http://www.suspendedcoffee.com.au/

https://www.facebook.com/SuspendedCoffeess

KK

Charity

So I speak my mind in many ways, this is my blog and everything I say is true to me, and in my words again, I'd like to say hey to - CHARITY!!

So I have recently heard so much about the - R U ok day campaign for suicidal awareness. If you haven't heard about all of the celebrities backing it, you can check out their youtube channel or hear this man here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwKOYR65RN0

The thing about charities such as R U Okay Day is that:
- Day - it is only one day, soon it will all be over
- R U Okay? Are people really going to answer that question honestly? I know I didn't when my mum asked me after watching the TV ad.
- Suicide. The point of R U Okay Day is to prevent suicide, but preventing suicide doesn't make the problem go away, it isn't even an excuse to build a charity around. there are people out there who have never had the thought of killing themselves, but that doesn't mean that they're ok. These are people who could do far worse things, maybe these people are bullies, control freaks or murderers.

I think that this is just a case of the cure rather then the prevention.

I could go on for ages about R U Okay Day, but its charities in general that I don't understand. Breast cancer, cervical cancer, poverty, RSPCA, the list just goes on and on and on. I understand that people tend to donate to charities or support charities that have influenced or affected them in some way, but what I don't get is, that there is so much that is wrong with the world. Now trying to fix it has got to be doing something good, but how much? I just think that it is better to do one act of kindness at a time - any act.

KK

I'm sorry that I don't reach your high standards.

Ah sarcasm, the way we tell how stupid someone is - where common sense is concerned. But this post isn't about sarcasm, its about standards and the likeliness of reaching these standards that makes me want to be nothing but sarcastic.

Everybody bases their opinion on a first impression, that's just how it works. We are human and I'm pretty sure animals do it too, that or they just don't care - which is what we should do more of (only in this context...)

I'll be the first to admit that I judge people. I comment on random aspects of a person's being like a reality television show, but so do monkeys guys. We are all animals... The point in telling you that I judge people is to point out that I treat others how i want to be treated. I don't judge out loud, to the persons face. Maybe that makes it worse - frankly, I don't think it does, only I know what I think and that's all that matters. I also write on here what I think about - well 'idiots,' but have I ever mentioned names?

So now that I have been a hypocrite, I will announce that I am so so sorry. Truly. That I judge others, it really just slips into my head sometimes... um duh. I am even more sorry, though, that I do not reach the standards of others who judge me. I am insecure - what are you going to do about it? It is absolutely upsetting when people notice (a quite noticeable) aspect of my being. My disability - yes, one that I cannot control. A high standard would be to assume that I can do things that I just, can't! So I completely understand why anyone places standards, but I also understand why we hate measuring up to them.

After all - this is all a huge part of nature.

KK

2013 - what a year!

As thirteen is my lucky number, 2013 could only be a stellar year - and boy was it! 2013 was certainly the craziest, strangest, saddest, hardest, exciting, incredible year of my life - and I hope it doesn't end now!

I learnt more than ever, about myself and more importantly, everyone else. I emerged myself in other worlds. I went to university - a whole new world for me (cue Aladdin - because I did feel like I was from the wrong side of the tracks while I was there...) But the biggest things about 2013 - were the hard times.

At the beginning of the year, my Nana passed away. I really don't care what anyone else thinks about how I should feel about that - but I was traumatised. This beautiful woman passed away in February and now that it is December, I am still no where near over it - its so true. Bugger grief, there is no definition to how I feel, perhaps somewhere around anger. I'm in the anger zone because of the people who have tried to help me by downplaying the death - why the hell do we do that? I'm contradicting myself here because I did block the incident out of my head for the majority of the year, then I'd have a cry in the car every couple of weeks. I'd kick and scream into my pillow and then seem like I was over it - especially to myself. Then Midyear, my Nana's sister (my great aunt) also passed away - well what came next, was probably pretty standard, but again, that doesn't make it any less of a thought, an issue, a feeling inside my gut. The amazing thing about all of this was that I didn't break, but I did become weak.

My family means the world to me - um yes I am aware that everyone says that, but in the generation 'Y' era, I friggen' mean it! Every-time I see my extended family, I am truly fascinated... and shit scared. I have so many non-blood relatives and few blood relatives and every year around Christmas - the only thoughts in my mind are of my family and mostly how I have failed them during the year...
Don't get me wrong, my feelings of failure come from forgetting them throughout the year. (Don't lie - we all forget our 2nd cousins birthday or our great grandparents anniversary, even our niece's school play.) For some reason, Christmastime remind's me of everything I should have done. But that could be another post...

Anyway, one of the most exciting things for me this year was doing my singing lessons. Now I am certainly not an impulsive person, but I'd say that this year of independence changed that. I just did it. I started singing lessons for fun and to get my mind off things - and it worked! Another post also.

Among other things, I also had many personal endeavours, which if you know me, you may understand that I am not comfortable expressing online.

Many more ups and downs happened this year, just like any other. The only difference was that it opened my mind, heart and eyes - especially after my weeks of migraines. I get horrific migraines from stress and having constant migraines for more than two weeks proved how stressed I was. But this all came after a very interesting counselling session - which mind you, was supposed to be a kinesiology session...

If you don't know what kinesiology is: http://kerrybelviso.com/kinesiology/what-is-kinesiology/ (pronounced kin-eeeees-eeee-ology)

Anyway, during this counselling session I was told a lot of things about myself and I realised what I should be doing - which actually made me over think it all and become, well neurotic... yes I will admit it. A neuro theme happening here...

Truthfully, I am just starting to get back to normal, but it has taken a very long year, because I believe I felt unreal last year (2012) when I decided on going to uni. In other words I was blocked - in more ways in one. I don't see the light just yet, but I know I'm fine.

Remember guys,

I'm open to everything.

xoxo to me and you all,

KK