This is not a '28 things I've learned in 28 years', post.

A few days ago I turned 28. Ironically I learned a lot in the time it took me to turn 28 and then write this post (3 days). I have always loved my birthday, it never bothered me getting older - until my 27th birthday.
My 20's have been a rollercoaster (just like most people experience), yet the last few years have left me feeling quite empty, lost and even lonely. For me recently, birthdays have just felt like a lot of pressure to enjoy myself!

I am okay with aging and being 28. It is not the number itself, but the general maternal feeling of aging, (trust me, I know I am still a baby!) I just feel like it was just another day, I knew things could be worse on one hand, but on the other hand, I really just wanted to feel effortlessly renewed and happy to be alive for another year. I guess I had to be more nonchalant this year.

My brother who is 3 years my junior is getting married and I attended his engagement party the day after my 28th birthday. Yes, I felt the need to state that he is my younger brother as I am not yet married, but I grew up always wanting to marry and have children young - by young I mean around the age of 25... So already you may be able to get a sense of the type of 28-year-old I am and am trying to be = a grateful one. I don't want to be the resentful aunt who sees her nieces and nephews playing and only sees what wasn't...

But we are just talking about engagement here - not yet a wedding and no kids yet either, all of that is at least a year away and I think we all know how much really can change in a year!

I feel as though everyone is being respectful and sensitive of how I 'must' be feeling with my brother's engagement party and my birthday being on the same weekend (and I am so grateful for that, even when it oozes pity), it is a constant battle to demonstrate maturity and wisdom, because honestly? They don't know the half of it...

I am nostalgic and sentimental. I am deep and crave meaningful thoughts and interactions. For various reasons, I have changed in the last year. So much so, that I don't revel in those feelings like I used to. I am not proud of myself - this is coming from someone who always was happy, proud and working hard, just to be myself. I am so sentimental, I tend to get upset if I can't get a gift to someone on a special day. I can look at a photograph of an emotional memory, feel exactly how I felt in that moment and I thrive on what I learn from my strengths and mistakes.
To be honest - I haven't made memories in a very long time, at least not happy, passionate and sentimental ones. I am growing numb to that deep kindness and going out of my way for others - my theory is that I have been longing for far too long to have children...

Another notch on my years feels like I have been sitting in jail doing time.

This quote sums up how I feel
and want to change.

In my mind, I removed my birthday from the engagement party because I adore this union. I am so happy for my brother and in gaining a lovely sister-in-law. She is a gorgeous, genuine soul and I can't wait to get to know her (plus I am a bridesmaid... did I mention that??) and thoughts of myself were getting in the way! (That there, my friends, is the most complicated justification of these useless thoughts - EVER!)

In trying to turn this rant around and stop myself from getting more depressed - see my previous post. I am hoping that I can embrace being wholesome - for my own utter sake! (Although being a bridesmaid in 2021 will help, I can't rely on that as my only wholesome memory). I need to make memories, create and just try to feel again!

The most redeeming thing about my birthday was the joy I felt - rewatching Mamma Mia and Mamma Mia - Here We Go Again, uninterrupted! I was so worried that my boyfriend wouldn't enjoy the movies that I almost didn't suggest them when he asked me what I wanted to watch for my birthday! I blurted the titles out last minute and was genuinely shocked when he had no problem watching them (and ended up LOVING them). Now, ABBA is a whole new version of nostalgia for me - I grew up on ABBA songs and well, musicals are also a big part of me.
My boyfriend also surprised me with a cake. A birthday cake. I was genuinely surprised at receiving a cake for my birthday - also very grateful.
(Although others did try to make my day special - this felt forced and almost as though they should give me a shout out... out of (for lack of a better word) guilt!) I hate to be that person, but the engagement did take over my birthday in a way only I could understand.

The problem is, any memories I make now, feel forced.

Thank you for reading my conflicting thoughts...

KK

Just laugh!

It is so easy to hold onto anger, frustration, resentment, grief or any other of those hard emotions. I say 'hard' because I really believe that you need to acknowledge them, not disown them. They can be 'hard' to face and deal with, but they usually make you stronger - if you let them...

If you do find it hard to cope with any feeling really, I find the best thing I can do is just laugh. Yeah I know, it sounds ridiculous right? Just hear me out.

Now, I totally understand how hard this can be, especially when you don't find everything funny, (like me...) but if you write a list of T.V shows or movies that make you laugh, jokes, funny stories, comments/funny memories with friends and family. Hey, even resort to cats, Weird Al Yankovic, (my personal favourite is Ebay) or people falling over on Youtube. Just work out what makes you laugh. Personally if I am really upset or even angry, I find the most joy in my animals - especially the antics my dogs get up to. If you don't have pets, go to a pet shop or (self promotion alert) watch my YouTube videos on my crazy dogs! animal montage video (I apologise for my terrible filming...)

When those feelings creep up, its important to get yourself out of it - 99% of the time, no one else will. Yes, it seems daunting that it is up to you to help yourself, but really, no one else can. Laughter really is the best medicine though and even if you don't realise it at the time, it can crack the hard feeling and if you continue to embrace it, even by just smiling and thinking about all that is still good in your life - its always there! Well it is a lot easier to be happy when you allow it, not force, allow. Life is hard, but never really as hard as you think.

Stay strong and laugh at yourself,
or me!

KK

February Reflections 2017

I find that, in the second month of the year, all resolutions have, uh, 'gone to hell,' but people tend to still be hopeful of a great year - the time it takes for the Earth to orbit the sun. I ended up doing quite a lot, in what also happens to be the shortest month of the year... (I am hoping that these facts are known to everyone...)

In anticipation of uni starting, (in early March) I felt that this February was all about 'starting the year off right' and getting inspired!

Here are some of the things I got up to in Feb 2017!

Lululemon and Collective Hub's - Practice to Purpose

On this sunny day, I had breakfast in Melbourne at the smart artz gallery event hosted by my favourite magazine collective hub and the active wear brand, lululemon. The event: From Practice to Purpose showcased innovative speakers with the initiative to focus on vision and goals. My friend, Michelle and I drove to the city early and were served smoothies, smoothie bowls and fruit, salad, coffee and more delicious foods, while listening to the speakers and getting some great motivation to jump into goal setting with a worksheet and an A4 quote - "Ideas alone won't create a life you love, putting them into action will!"

Birthdays!

I celebrated my mum and my beautiful friends birthdays - shout out to mum, Sarah and Andrew!

Devil Cat

The family cat - Mickey, got into a lot of mischief - half killing some birds, lizards and anything he could catch. I had a great time putting animals out of their misery and then keeping this fur ball locked up...

The McClymonts!

I saw The McClymonts live! An amazing country band (that I have worshipped for many years) went on their 'Endless tour' and I was close to the stage, just in euphoria, listening to these energetic girls!

The opener, Demi Louise was just as brilliant and I bought her CD too, one song of which - I relate to a lot Taxi Driver, Here I am with her in the bottom left photo and my mum and I with The McClymonts at the top!

Autographs and smiles all around!

The local show.

It's tradition for my dad and I to go to our local Agricultural show (which is now more of a general carnival) and I went again this year. I spent half the day with my dad and the other half with my friend and her friend, Michelle and Donna. The thing I love about this tradition is the little things, the community atmosphere and the fun! I always go in the morning when the livestock are being showed and graded, because that is just so fascinating to me - especially the cattle! Later in the day I watched all of the local talent perform on the small stage, including my super talented friend - Sunny, with whom I then watched the closing fireworks with! It really was a magical day - with me really focusing on the good stuff!

And that pretty much sums up that amazing month!

KK

My word of the year 2017!

If you have been on my social media for a long time, you may know that I have been doing susannah conway's 'Word of the year' for the last three years. I recently just did vlogmas and talked about it quite a bit there also.

I think it is very inspiring to have a word to guide me through the year and so far it has somewhat worked for me, so I am going to fully take in my 2017 word of the year which is:

I am in my final years of uni and I want to go out with a bang. I also want to volunteer more and focus on my passion for nature by working on Never Doubt Nature.

I also want to focus on the moments and be more mindful of whats going on around me, rather than being stuck in the daily blur of life.

Lastly, the main thing I want to focus on is my writing! Blogging, but also my long-time-coming stories are going to get a lot of attention from me this year!

Do you have a word of the year?

KK

December Reflections

I am doing a monthly challenge for the December of 2016 as I reflect back on not only the year, but my life. This month I plan to really knuckle down and look at the nitty gritty of who I am and who I want to be, so I am taking the advice of the amazing Susannah Conway and using this #Decemberreflections2016 list to achieve this!

I will be posting the reflections on my blog and some on my Instagram in the form of photos, art, writings, videos or other forms.

Here are the first few reflections and their stories:

Day 3 is 'Fave photo of 2016' and boy is this a tough one because I have a few... I live through the memories of photos, so I think I will do a separate post to sum up my favourite photo's because I can't choose!

So stay tuned and maybe take this month to reflect back on your year too!

KK

Motivation Monday: You are the glow

What do we all want in life? Happiness? A partner? The simple life? - That's the point ~ there is always something we want!

But is 'want' the answer to how we get it? There are many theories about who, what, when, where, why and how we achieve what we want, but I believe that best thing you can do is GLOW! Own your worth, create love for yourself, live in the moment and be thankful!

Trust me, I understand how hard it can be to own your worth, but if you want anything in life, EVER - you need to glow!

To get the things you want, you need to not only believe in yourself, but enjoy every moment you are alive.

Its only as lame as you make it, but your heart pounds when you are happy for a reason ~ you're glowing! I always try to imagine that my heart is glowing and warm sparks swirl around (like Rapunzel's 'healing') when I want to feel good.

If I am grateful and feel my heart glowing, I find that, no matter what, I have what I want - in the moment, because that is all it takes!

As you may have noticed if you have watched the above video, 'the glow' is referring to the Disney princesses (we all know and love) discovering who they are and what they want. Although there is total merit in wanting to be a Disney princess... you, as yourself, gender aside, have the ability to be the glow!

So try it! Take a deep breath, close your eyes if you want, focus on something positive and use your glow!

'You are the glow!'

KK

Tamworth Country Music Festival 2016! ~ Part 1

I just got back from experiencing the Tamworth Country Music Festival in NSW, Australia. (Three months ago, yes I started writing this post and stopped...)

My friend and I drove the 16+ hours each way to the beautiful Australian city between Sydney and Brisbane.

Taking the Newell Hwy on our way to Tamworth and staying overnight in the small town of Parkes, our first stop was an experience, not only in driving, but for me an eye opener and reminder of the harsh Australian land.
As I drove along the long Hwy, I allowed the country to put me in awe as I thought about the early settlers and explorers that travelled these flats and hills without air conditioning and music....When I wasn't driving I was still in the moment, something so rare, that I forgot if I was hungry or tired. Time stood still.

When my friend and I stopped in Parkes, we were so exhausted that we just booked into the motel and relaxed, it was too much to explore the town  (though it broke my heart that I was physically incapable.) I did compromise a lot of myself on this trip because I didn't want to be a burden and drag my friend around, but if it was all about me, I'd be up at 6am photographing nature and in bed by 8pm after making the absolute most of the day - but heat, humidity and normal human behaviour doesn't allow others to want to join me in that... Sane or not unfortunately!

Up and at it early the next day, we were dying to get to Tamworth and I was beginning to get wary. (Yes, beginning - after a night of sleep...) I had my coffee and we were off fairly early before the heat hit. After 4+ hours of driving (taking it in turns of course) we reached TAMWORTH! And I instantly had butterflies in my stomach. I had heard the audio book 'Under Southern skies' numerous times on my trips to uni and I was so inspired by the story, but reaching Tamworth - I suddenly felt like I truly could do it!

First up my friend and I ate and got some cold water into us, phew it was hot! I was also busting for the toilet, so I rushed off. The poster to the left (pictured) was in the loo and I got more of those cheeky butterflies! I ran out of the toilet to greet my friend in the car and told her we had to go to this!
We checked into the Caravan Park and got out the tent to set up. After that it was a trip (almost) into town to the Golden Guitar - on the edge of Tamworth. Being the tourists we were, we started to buy souvenirs and postcards, we checked out upcoming gigs and then got into a bit of a state (well I did) because I didn't get a booklet I was supposed to get in the mail (weeks before) so there was the search for the building in the city of Tamworth to retrieve that!

Once we got into  Tamworth, we could understand the hype if we hadn't already! There were buskers and stalls, people of all ages running around and just happiness, everyone we passed smiled or waved - the benefits of a country town! We were absolutely buggered after I got my booklet, so we went to the nearest pub The Impy and quenched our thirst. I was high on air or something because I was bursting with energy while my poor friend suffered a little from the heat, so while she cooled down under the fan spraying gentle water over us, I started to really get into the live music.

The gorgeous singer chelsea basham was and is absolutaly amazing (we are totally instagram friends, ha... haha) and I had to buy her CD and a photo - both of which she signed - eeeeek!

I absolutely love and can relate to her songs: Gold and I learned the hard way.

As I only briefly spoke to her as she signed my merchandise, I could just feel how lovely she was and I knew I was going to be obsessed and had to look her up on Youtube, her website and the Tamworth CMF grapevine - so I did and I adored her persona more and more. Really I was in my own little world, in awe of the passion that the first person I saw at the festival could possibly match, if not certainly outshine my own!

The gorgeous Chelsea Basham. 

Day one: Loot.

We stayed and listened to another artist who sang some old classic country rock songs. I just took it all in and ate my chips and soft drink for dinner with my pal. After food and rest we just made it back to the tent and crashed for the night.

It was an amazing first day at the festival and I was in a state of euphoria.

I hate that I keep forgetting, but I love the country I live in and would live nowhere else. It's strange, but in my strange little world at my house, I keep forgetting what else is out there where my heart really lies.
I grew up with country ballads of the Australian land and animals and I have an indescribable passion for nature that I wonder how I can forget this power deep inside me.

As this blog is dedicated to my passions, I must say that the Tamworth Country Music Festival brought out more than one of my major passions. I have always loved country music, but I had butterflies with the reemergence of my other passions (perhaps also from the fear of forgetting my loves...)

• Writing - specifically lyrics and novels about the land, nature, animals and my FEELINGS! (for a while I had forgotten about those crucial "feelings" until I got butterflies.
• Singing and songwriting
• Weather
• Survival
• Nature, the baron road (but how much really thrives)
• Australian culture/personalities - genuine happiness - perhaps just a country trait...
• camping

KK

Happy freakin' new year

And the negativity begins....

I am honestly starting to believe that a new year means nothing in this (Australian, caucasian) society. We "celebrate" for one night by getting drunk and waking up the next morning with supposed resolutions, which seem to change within a week or so and then we complain about EVERYTHING!

I try to keep this blog positive and passionate, but this post is more freakin' pissed off and passionate.

It really got to me, that just about the first week into the new year, a lot of people in my life just started complaining about everything under the sun. Now this can't be everyone right? This can't be human nature, to be so negative all of the time, can it?


Well now it is late February and not much has changed.Since the start of the year I have refused to let a lot of negativity in, for the most part that has been fine, but I also haven't done a whole lot for myself yet either... So who is in the wrong here?

My word of the year is 'Self' - see the post 'my word of the year 2016' and in some respects I have been very slf inclined (in a good way) but not to the extent that I would like to.

*sigh*

Hopefully things get freakin' better,

KK

Annie Jnr.

Right now I am sitting in bed with the flu, but I feel like I deserve a good rest because I have just been through another (probably 6 months) of rehearsals and show week! Yes I completed my Second Musical Production with BATS Theater Company!

The three Boylan sisters and Sandy

My love of Annie the musical started with my childhood hours of watching the 1982 film Annie. Then there was the day I'll never forget on my 9th birthday. Mum took me out of school, (yes I got a day off school without protest...whoa!) and I had no clue what we were doing. It's the little things that have always gotten me excited. But it turned out that, mum, my neighbor, her mother and I were going to see ANNIE, IN THE CITY, AT A THEATRE! Wow! (Yes kids, in those days, I lived in the country and the city was a far off magical place!.... Yes Adults, that was only 14 years ago...) I won't crap on too much about this very special day, but it is a big memory for me because I knew that this was the beginning of my love for theater. Little 9 year old me, knew that every light, every person, every instrument, every prop had a purpose and there was just too much to take in!

So getting back to the production I was in ANNIE JNR. Yes, I know I keep repeating myself, but I am in awe of not only the role I played, but the whole experience of being in a musical production, amateur or not is just such a big deal for me! I played Annette the maid ('Silk, no the satin sheets I think') Yes I had a line! But the role I was originally cast in and auditioned for was a Boylan sister! (Omg, my dream.) Which I performed with all my might.

So like my last post from my last show http://kkspassion.blogspot.com.au/2014/10/a-beautiful-theatrical-beginning.html I will now give a review as I am such an expert... not..

'It's a hard knock life!'

The show began with the beautiful, scruffy, young orphans. The extremely talented actress playing Molly began the show with her crying from a nightmare about her parents. When Annie comforted her, the hopeful song of 'Maybe' began and the cast in this scene performed beautifully every single show. Some of the cast were in their first show and who could tell? Such a talented bunch. The orphans Molly, Pepper, Tessie, Kate, July and Duffy started to drift off to sleep when they were woken by Annie trying to sneak out of the orphanage. When the scheming Pepper got up and pushed her right into the arms of Miss Hannigan! - and let me just add... WOW!

'Heya Aggie.' 'Oh Bundles Get outta' here with that laundry!'

Miss Hannigan was the epitome of Miss Hannigan from the 1982 'Annie' film. She was the lipstick, the pearls and the curls of the disgruntled, house mother of an orphanage full of little BRAT's! As Miss Hannigan dealt with Annie and got all of the orphans out of bed, she swayed around stage, a blur of children racing around complaining of a 'hard knock life.'

Then along came Mr. Bundles to woo Miss Hannigan and distract her while Annie became a stowaway in Bundles' laundry cart. Mr. Bundles was the mellow, flirt, happy to chat to anyone and everyone - on and off stage!

On the street, Annie wandered off as Mr. Bundles discreetly let her go into the street where she found her true friend - Sandy.

Annie and Sandy

So Sandy stuck with the talented, feisty, Annie as she was captured by the policeman and taken back to the dreaded orphanage....

However, here is where things took a turn for the... better!

As a proud, 'graceful' secretary-type woman strolled into the orphanage and took a addressed Miss Hannigan (who'd been swooning and uh, dribbling, lipstick stain and all, over the soulful sound of the radio. Grace as her name preceded her to be, asked Miss Hanigan for an orphan, for Oliver Warbucks, the mill... uh billionaire to look after in his home. Cheeky Annie was of course on top of this...

Annie was picked and out of the orphanage again, but in the meantime...

 "Rooster!" cried miss Hannigan as her brother entered, his cocky attitude matching his moustache and sleazy manner. Miss Hannigan's surprise quickly turned to disgust when she remembered her brothers way of always needing a penny or two... Then along came Lily.

A 'broad' from New Jersey... She accompanied Rooster with a perfect harmony of high and low notes in 'Easy street' along with Miss Hannigan. Three actors couldn't have done it better as they marched and whirled across Miss Hannigan's office. Lily may have stolen a few pearls as they did so and Miss Hannigan was left in a daze as Rooster and his girl strolled off to scam some new innocent after just leaving jail....

From back left: Butlers, Cecil, Mrs. Greer, Annette, Drake and Mrs. Pugh
Front: Grace and Annie

Grace, another talented actress had a lovely voice and demeanor as she introduced the mansion staff to Annie - full of awe and amazement in the presence of not only people wanting to please her, but the wondrous mansion.

'Good afternoon sir'

'We think you're gonna like it here.'

After being introduced to the multi-talented mansion staff, Oliver Warbucks made his presence on stage. The actor was absolutely incredible and I am not just saying that, Warbucks was full of talent, could hold the audience captive and project to everyone while still keeping the strict demeanor of his character. 



Mr. Warbucks, a busy man soon ascended back into his work, shortly after meeting Annie. The Mansion servants went back to cleaning as Annie looked around in awe. Grace made the suggestion that they welcome Annie properly...

Mr. Warbucks and Grace decided to treat Annie to the sights of 'NYC,' leading Annie through the hustle of downtown New York City, the mansion and the rest of Annie's journey, always caring, always by her side.

'What's that? you're coming to dinner?'

It didn't take long for Warbucks to make the decision to adopt Annie, so off Grace went to speak with Miss Hannigan.

But to everyone's surprise, when grace arrived back, with a present for Warbucks to give to Annie, Annie didn't want to be adopted. She wanted to find her parents.

Mr. Warbucks attempted all he could to hunt Annie's parents down and even called in favours with a radio show and the President!

Bert Healy of the radio Oxydent hour presented Annie and Mr. Warbucks' dilemma to the world in his own wacky, boisterous way, a great actor with the ability to continue smiling... even when Warbucks' spoke the 'actions' on the script.... clearly not an actor fit for radio.... The lovely, darling, magnificent.... cough*... Boylan sister's looked on, in uh... boredom and sung 'You're never fully dressed without a smile' with Bert very professionally, because well, these girls are professionals, thank-you. But in all seriousness, this scene combined the radio crew with their 'doo, doo, doo, doos' as backup and clearly knew what they were doing, handling papers and expensive equipment all while acting professionally for their radio show.

So Annie had put the word out there to find her parents with great help from Warbucks whom she was getting attached to...

Meanwhile, back at the orphanage, the orphans were still driving Miss. Hannigan crazy, singing along to the Oxydent hour on the radio, mimicking the Boylan sisters, Molly and Tessie Portraying Bert Healy. It was a sight of fun and laughter, happy for Annie and the orphans just having a genuinely good time, until Miss. Hannigan blew her whistle.

She collapsed in her chair as the orphans ran off laughing and took a swig of her drink as Mr. Mudge entered, Mrs. Mudge in tow, disturbing, well I wouldn't call it peace... Miss Hannigan ignored them, distracted. Then they claimed they were Annie's parents. She told them that was impossible. That Annie's parents died in a fire years ago. Then Rooster revealed himself as well as Lily to be the con artists behind the best scam ever to trick Warbucks', get the money they 'deserve' and make their way down 'easy street!'

So the plan was in motion and the memo was sent to Mr. Warbuck's that Annie's parents had been found! Everyone was happy.

Then Grace did some research....

Before Christmas, Mr, Warbucks asked Annie to invite the orphans to the mansion for a little party. "Miss Hannigan too?" Exclaimed Annie. "Of course!" said Warbucks, growing oh so much more attached to the little girl.

Then came the song: 'You won't be an orphan for long.'

Warbucks sung this with such strength and his usual business-like facade faded from a spotlight to darkness as the dismal house staff came onstage, decorating the Christmas tree in a ballet sequence of sadness.

As the maids went to cleaning, Warbucks, Grace and President Roosevelt, along with a policeman entered, informing Annie, on the scam that is Miss Hannigan, Rooster and Lily...

 Then as the orphans and Miss Hannigan came to the mansion in their finery, the place was filled with joy. Orphans leaped at the tree and opened presents, with help from the maids. Miss Hannigan took in the sights of the mansion and wandered around as the Mudge's came in to claim their 'daughter.'

 Before they could, Warbucks presented them with a cheque stating 'the jig is up!' and as everyone flew into a panic, the police came to arrest the Hannigan's and Lily.

Miss Hannigan plading with Annie

So the 'crooks' were stopped and the household rejoiced, Warbucks told Annie he was going to adopt her and everyone sang 'The sun'll come out tomorrow' as Sandy the dog came onstage, sending the crowd into 'awwws.'

The End!

My second experience with this show was amazing and I really enjoyed every moment of it. I made some great friends and everyone was really lovely.

The backstage crew were amazing and the BATS staff too, Thank you also to the Director and everyone who was there for rehearsals, etc.

I wish I could thank you all personally and to everyone in the audience also.

I also met my new best friend Michelle during this show and I'd love to thank her for being my pal, we have already done so much together and have so much planned for the future!

KK

Michelle and I

The girls backstage

*Disclaimer: Names and photos will not be printed due to unauthorised permission or absence of permission and general privacy. The photo's displayed have been from Mark Symonds photography(c) and have been authorised by cast and parents of those under 18 years of age.