Waiting for the switch

I could probably give ten different quotes about never letting the spark/light/fire go out, but in the hopes of not using a cringy elemental quote or worse (unpopular opinion* - I am not the biggest Harry Potter fan) that quote Dumbledore says about remembering to switch on the light while hovering his hand over the candle....

My point among all of that unnecessary ranting, was, where has my passion gone? This blog is KK's passion after all (KK is me...) but honestly, I am struggling. I have had a really long, super-tough year, just last month I had two of my Uncle's pass away - I have such fond memories of them as a child and it was a very emotional week, I am still struggling. I had also just finished Uni, with killer assignments and exams...

My natural, tense position these days.

I won't focus on the negative, because I hate that. I just want to get back into writing. I am waiting for that switch - the switch that always lights up that spark of inspiration, which then turns into full-blown passion, ideas, and just basic happiness.

I can't seem to find that switch though.

There is no scientific or even spiritual study on this 'switch' I tend to have. All I know (in my sole observations on my sole self) is that I always, ALWAYS get my passion, spark and drive back after a lull, but this particular lull has been the longest I have ever had.

I am tired, tense, stuck and a little worried about the future. I hope this changes.

I know I will find that switch at some point. I cannot fathom life without my passion. I am just trying to please so many other people, as well as check on others grieving for my Uncle's and their own dire situations, among other life problems, that I know I have neglected myself.

What is that other cliche quote?

'You can't pour from an empty cup, take care of yourself first.' - Unknown

Yes, I googled those exact words to get the wording right, but I did in fact already have the words right...

I really do know what I have to do to make things, even the slightest bit better, yet, well that switch really does help.

Boy, I really hope this makes sense,

KK

Hello 2019!

 As 2018 was a very tough year for me, I am going to take it easy in 2019 without being too hard on myself. Usually, I am willing to set challenges, work extremely hard and just push myself to achieve and experience, but that's not what I need right now.

I started the year off on a camping trip with some friends and that in itself bought up mixed feelings. I knew that I screwed up my 2018 all by myself and in 2019 I am determined, yet not promising, that I will get back on track - whatever track that may be!

I am back at Uni again this year, hopefully, to follow through to completion by 2020 and boy has this study been a long road, because truthfully, I have been studying for all of my 20's and I will be 27 this year - you do the math... I am really trying not to be ashamed. Let's be honest though, I have changed campuses twice and changed from part-time to full-time, which hasn't helped.

The #tenyearchallenge sees me as not much different at all - apart from a different tan and white dog, I am very similar to my sixteen-year-old self, now almost twenty-seven, I just look more tired - again, another excuse to take it slow and simple this year.

Fitting to this post, my word of the year is:

STEADY



Obviously, I just want to take it easy this year as mentioned earlier and steady seemed like the perfect word! In living by this word for the year my focus will be on:

• Slowly etching away at my goals
• getting out in nature more
• focusing on eating well, exercising and getting plenty of sleep.
• saving, saving, saving! (money)
• enjoying my work to the best of my ability (employment and Uni)

My big goals include:

• writing - working on this blog and my story.
• photography - back to nature and maybe entering some competitions? I am a complete novice though.
• Immersing myself in studying and focusing on one topic at a time, in smaller time increments. I am aiming to go into one of three scary fields of further study after completing my Bachelors and I want to gently work towards figuring out which one! 
• Becoming more confident and social. 

My smaller, yet just as meaningful goals include:

• Reading without any pressure on numbers (with this tactic I have already listened to two amazing audiobooks and I am halfway through a 380-page book from my favorite author!) 
• Keeping a reading log of books, articles, papers, audiobooks and any information I have consumed. I want to prove that I read more than I do, but in a gentle way.
• Volunteering to add to my resume and end the year with a bang... steadily. I plan to only volunteer when I am feeling 100% able to. (It is hard work)
• Practice singing and do singing lessons.

Every January seems like a big chance for new beginnings and without putting too much pressure on myself, I really aim to just begin to chip away at all of this. Most of the goals I have already begun, so I guess I am halfway done!

Enjoy your 2019, no matter how it was started,

KK

My Inner Child

The title of this post may sound a little 'woo woo' to you, but I assure you - it doesn't have to be. I think of my inner child, literally as 'me.' Thinking back to my childhood, I can clearly picture the innocence and sense of adventure I had. Thinking back to that happy, adventurous child running through long grass, climbing onto roofs, haystacks and trees are a lot easier to reflect on than doing those things as an adult... usually.

Being an adult is hard work. I'm not saying that adulthood sucks and being a child is bliss, but they are different. Seeing as I really always knew who, what and where I wanted to be, I knew if I worked hard and became a decent human, I'd achieve my dreams. I often get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life now - so, just thinking about the days when I was a kid really help me and bring all that I wanted, back into perspective.

I know that not every childhood was like mine and not everyone knew what they wanted to do when they grew up. I do believe that everyone must have at least a handful of moments that reveal pure innocence and joy - even if you have blocked them out or don't care to admit it.

You may think I am dwelling on the past, but the truth is I am not, far from it really. I choose to remember those times and smile because I know that at that age, I believed in myself - so why aren't I doing that now?

A big reason why I go back to my childhood and remember how it was is to recall inspiration, wonder, excitement, love, nostalgia, sentimentality, sadness, physical hurt and the life-changing moments and other emotions we are supposed to feel. I don't generally experience these every day, I do think they are good to feel and take in. As a creative, I also often need to recreate similar characters in my writing. It is much easier to remember curiosity, excitement and lose count of the number of times I laughed when reflecting on my younger self. Fun fact: we don't laugh anywhere near as much as we did as children!

The meditation I use to do this is from The Honest Guys YouTube channel: Heal your inner child

If you still aren't sure how much your inner child can help you overcome the worst, watch this video with an open mind and do it privately so that you can immerse yourself in, you: 

So embrace your inner child, regularly if possible and remember that you really haven't changed all that much, you can still have fun, right?

KK

Left: This is me as a kid (I don't know what age) with the cows and another with my brother.
























Below: is a picture of me now (at 26.)

Just laugh!

It is so easy to hold onto anger, frustration, resentment, grief or any other of those hard emotions. I say 'hard' because I really believe that you need to acknowledge them, not disown them. They can be 'hard' to face and deal with, but they usually make you stronger - if you let them...

If you do find it hard to cope with any feeling really, I find the best thing I can do is just laugh. Yeah I know, it sounds ridiculous right? Just hear me out.

Now, I totally understand how hard this can be, especially when you don't find everything funny, (like me...) but if you write a list of T.V shows or movies that make you laugh, jokes, funny stories, comments/funny memories with friends and family. Hey, even resort to cats, Weird Al Yankovic, (my personal favourite is Ebay) or people falling over on Youtube. Just work out what makes you laugh. Personally if I am really upset or even angry, I find the most joy in my animals - especially the antics my dogs get up to. If you don't have pets, go to a pet shop or (self promotion alert) watch my YouTube videos on my crazy dogs! animal montage video (I apologise for my terrible filming...)

When those feelings creep up, its important to get yourself out of it - 99% of the time, no one else will. Yes, it seems daunting that it is up to you to help yourself, but really, no one else can. Laughter really is the best medicine though and even if you don't realise it at the time, it can crack the hard feeling and if you continue to embrace it, even by just smiling and thinking about all that is still good in your life - its always there! Well it is a lot easier to be happy when you allow it, not force, allow. Life is hard, but never really as hard as you think.

Stay strong and laugh at yourself,
or me!

KK

I'm fine tuning, but I'm still me!

Here is a selfie. I don't do selfie's.

However I do have this selfie because I know that I was incredibly happy in this moment. It's a moment I want to remember. I am genuinely smiling and I just feel great here - it doesn't really matter why.
My point here, is that we go through changes in our life (I mean I took a selfie, when I don't like to) and that doesn't change who we are, it just helps us fine tune our personality.

I have been meditating (I mediate at least twice a day) to a guided meditation, (on the app - Headspace) on change - and this is very ironic, because a lot has changed in my life recently!

Through study, career, relationships, health and the rest of life, change can really help to keep me focused. It doesn't have to be drastic change, but little changes (I have never been a fan of routine) can still make a great impact.

I recently listened to this great podcast, where Ilene - better known as Lavendaire - talks about just that, being true to yourself. Ilene has so much to say about owning your worth and so many other creative lifestyle tips. Her resources are really extraordinary. Links below:

podcast: Lavendaire - Be true to yourself, but don't get attached to any identity

Lavendaire website: www.lavendaire.com

It is just always nice to remember that change doesn't change us - unless we allow it to and I believe that a little change can make me realise who I really am and what I really want!

Enjoy change and do what you can to change!

KK