High standards

I got another one today. One of those emails that say: 'you aren't good enough.' Well they attempt to put it nicely, but that really is exactly what they mean.
By 'they' I don't mean bullies, teachers, politicians, doctors or even a potential boss - I am talking about someone that I have asked advice from.

Let me explain...

I am coming to the end of my current University degree and therefore asking career counsellors, lecturers and really anyone that I can, to lend some advice on what my next move should be. (I actually have some great ideas in my head, but I'm not telling anyone, especially going by the way my own academic institution views me...) and all I keep hearing is either 'you need high marks,' 'try to volunteer more,' 'you need to have a great resume' or 'you aren't based in this area, so you can't work there.'

Excuse me?

First of all, I need to point out that these 'advice givers' are well meaning, I mean, they took the time to respond to my messages and gave me answers to the questions that I'd asked, but not one person has said - 'there is always another way to get where you want to be.'

Now I really only expect generic advice from my academic institution, because if I have learnt anything about higher level tertiary education - it is certainly that 'grades matter.' This is fine, I don't expect them not to, but does anyone consider the alternatives, outside of grades?

- disabilities
- how well someone can physically do something (not just mentally)
- grief
- depression/anxiety
- distractions
- hard home life
- 'disadvantaged' living
- work/family/life [imbalance]
- rural living
- 'disadvantaged' upbringing
- LIFE...

The irony of these alternatives, is that there are postgraduate degrees that allow students with an undergraduate degree to learn to 'help' these 'disadvantaged' people, but to get into that course one needs very high grades.... "insert eye roll emoji."

I'm not angry. I'm really not. If anything I am determined. I have more than one of the above 'issues' in my life and, well so does every other human being. I don't blame people for praising the highly academic minded people, after all, they seem to have given up a lot to get where they are.

But I too have given up a lot to be where I am, I have also gained so much more than I thought I ever could. This leaves me to pity those that make these rules of needing to meet certain standards. I mean, I know the world is competitive and this somehow justifies needing standards to do certain things in life, but that's okay... I'll find another way around.

As the song goes,

I've always found my way somehow, by taking the long way...

The long way around - Dixie Chicks

My word of the year 2017!

If you have been on my social media for a long time, you may know that I have been doing susannah conway's 'Word of the year' for the last three years. I recently just did vlogmas and talked about it quite a bit there also.

I think it is very inspiring to have a word to guide me through the year and so far it has somewhat worked for me, so I am going to fully take in my 2017 word of the year which is:

I am in my final years of uni and I want to go out with a bang. I also want to volunteer more and focus on my passion for nature by working on Never Doubt Nature.

I also want to focus on the moments and be more mindful of whats going on around me, rather than being stuck in the daily blur of life.

Lastly, the main thing I want to focus on is my writing! Blogging, but also my long-time-coming stories are going to get a lot of attention from me this year!

Do you have a word of the year?

KK

Who am I doing this for?

I want a family, a husband and children and I want a house, with animals in the country on a farm. So I am very traditional, but am I constantly working towards that and trying to find my perfect man? No.

What is the point?

I have to work on myself and be the person that I am proud of before I can have anyone want me, first I have to respect myself. I have always, always tried to live this way and by 'this' I just mean life.

Every time I stuff up or feel guilty. I stop and try to smile. I will never be perfect, I am working on myself and learning. Everything is always eventually going to be okay!

So who am I doing this for? Who am I improving myself for? I certainly don't need a man to complete me, but I'm not just writing, waking up every morning, doing my thing and trying so hard for just myself either.... no its for absolutely everyone in my life! The want to work with animals is for the animals, the hours of writing is for those who love a good story or need some positivity. I do all of the things I do for myself and for others, as long as I enjoy them.

Ask yourself who you wake up in the morning for? It doesn't matter what your answer is, as long as you are content with it,

keep at it,

KK

It's not just me right?

"No one studies in the morning."

"It is very common to have those symptoms."

"I did that too."

I DON'T CARE! I want to be special....

Yes I study in the morning because otherwise I feel crappy the rest of the day. I also don't feel at all reassured when my doctor tells me that 'everyone gets this way...' SO? But the one that ticks me off most of all - 'I did that too,' 'everyone does that,' 'it was hard, but I got in too' - then why the hell am I doing it???

So the way my brain works is - originality all the way! So when I think that I am doing something special or I have a different illness (yes cue the eye roll) or I talk to someone who pretends it was hard to do something that I found incredibly hard (and proud) to do!

So this all really comes down to hard work and changing things - now don't get me wrong, if I have the common cold, I don't have a hissy fit about how its 'so unoriginal'..... that would be too Lorelai Gilmore... (Watch Gilmore Girls), but I feel that these comments that people make are not only ignorant, but attempting to make people feel worse - after all it isn't very positive being referred to as average, boring or common...

Doesn't everyone want to feel special? When you are sick, don't you want people to say 'Oh no, I hope you feel better soon, can I do anything,' not 'Oh that's going around at the moment, everyone has  it....' duh???

Basically we have to do things for ourselves - if a routine doesn't work for you, change it. If 200 people go to uni to become a teacher because it is 'easy....' - don't... and don't get me started on teachers.

I think this will do for now,

KK

What to do now?

Yay its beautiful Springtime! Summer is coming, the end of my second last year for my current uni course is coming to an end and I don't know where to start where my feelings are concerned.

If you know me, you certainly understand that I am not one to give up. I'm going to get through uni, I just get a little lost sometimes!

Things have gotten so much better overall in my life and I am so grateful for it! I am enjoying my uni subjects, I love my animals, my family, I have money to keep me going, a working car, etc.

I feel though that something is missing and I hate to seem ungrateful, because I love my life! But now that Summer is getting closer and I am starting to thaw out, I am beginning to think of the new year, completing uni and what next? Eeeek!

Yeah its scary, but I need to keep going, keep busy, but I equally need to stop and smell the roses.

What to do now? Well I am just going to try and live in the present as much as possible. If I pretend that I already have the perfect life I want, then I am only going to get closer to it right?

KK

Appreciating uni

As everyone is congregating for our first prac this morning, I can't help but to look around and wonder if they feel awkward. I honestly don't feel awkward right now, I'm too busy watching everyone wait for their friends, friends they probably would have just made within a year or two and act as though its been forever.

I suppose I have always liked been alone and I used to get embarrassed being the only one without friends,  but I'm at peace with it. I love doing my own thing and I have friends in other areas of my life. Plus I'm here to learn, not to socialise as they don't come together for me.

It's funny because I have to keep reminding myself why I'm here, here at university studying zoology and more importantly,  how I got here. It wasn't easy and I feel I need to appreciate it more.

Sometimes I allow myself to get dragged into the lives of others... no, more often than not actually. This is so sad to me, because no one is alike and I should push myself to take pride in what I have done everyday, but it is truly hard, especially after being depressed for so so long.

It has taken me a lonely Primary school, a bitchy/lethargic/topsy-turvy High-school, an angry, tiring, discovery year, a second chance/mistake at high school, a tearful/hard Certificate IV and a half-hearted Diploma to get me into uni - education-wise - but those years and experiences have taught me more than I ever would have learnt by taking another path.

Yes my path has been a long one (and still will be) but I think that this is the best way to live. I'm not missing anything and I'm experiencing uni, the way I was supposed to...

So to the Universe,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for bringing me here and helping me make peace with my past and have a bright future!

KK

animals, animals, animals!

Everyone who knows me, know that animals are my passion, yet I don't talk about them too much on here.... 

Growing up I used to play with spiders and help my dad feed his exotic parrots and other birds on our 2 acre farm. I would waddle around in my gumboots and just be fascinated by the world around me, it was very rare that you would find me inside even in the rain!

 The zoo was always my favourite place to go, closely followed by the aquarium, farms, the country and anywhere outdoors. I was never a thrill seeker, but I was always looking for animals, always outdoors.

 My dad has always been a great role model when it came to my passion for animals. My dad grew up loving this country as much as me, only he grew up in a time where he regularly spotted native wildlife everywhere he went, animals were so abundant, that its hard to believe, magpies and crows are probably the most common native animals we'll see these days. Dad also used to take me before dawn in the mornings when I was under 10 years old and drive the hour drive to a country region where the Toorongo river ran. Here we used to lye on the bank of the river and wait. This is one of the reasons why the platypus is my favourite animal. The awe that I treasure from these trips, was only the beginning of my enormous passion for Australia, Australian wildlife, Animal and the land, all of its elements and plants.

 I was always fascinated by the aquariums and river ecosystems, etc. I visited, because as I grew older I became scared of the ocean, I loved inland rivers and creeks, but to me the ocean become an amazing, but daunting, mythical place where I was happy to let secrets stay buried. I feel the same about outer space.

 Although my passion is Australian wildlife and I hope to end up working at Healesville Sanctuary Victoria one day, I have also worked at Melbourne Zoo, I volunteer at Werribee Open Range Zoo and Currumbin Sanctuary in Queensland. I love all animals great and small and I adore Australian animals, especially the platypus and Australian reptiles....

 I love domestic animals and livestock too, my dogs are my life, the time I spend with them are often the most precious moments I can remember and still are to this day, watching them play is utter bliss for me and playing with them, cuddling them and watching them in their day to day lives is just what life is about for me!

 I love cattle, horses, sheep and goats among other livestock, although I haven't had a chance to spend much time with them, I hope to one day.

Animals, animals, animals  - they'll always be my love and my passion, i am just excited to see where else they'll take me!

KK xoxo

A little perspective please!

Wow life has ways of challenging you, but if you aren't open to it, you just don't see these things. I have recently spoken to several people on what seemed like a lost cause - I wasn't sure about life in general and it had all spawned from my first year of uni, but not just uni, just all of the changes surrounding it all.

These people I have spoken to have been totally random, one lady I walked into a shop and ended up chatting for at least an hour. Soon after I got a job... in a pet shop.

The next person was a surprise for my birthday. I spoke to this woman about current events and how unsure I was about my uni future. Then a family member was made redundant and I had some perspective on how easy things can slip from your grasp, so I am in the best situation possible.

The third lady I spoke to told me that I should be teaching people and by becoming a vet I would be helping pet owners or society with wildlife awareness. Then I went to work and got really passionate about one case a customer asked about...

Now these three people where a crystal healer, psychic and natural therapy counceler, but if i didn't tell you that, they could very well be everyday people.

Now you may just think that I have gone into my nutso spirals about spirituality, etc. but really, this post is just all about perspective. Anyone could have mentioned these things to me and I would have listened and thought, (most likely my subconscious would have made things very clear too) and had a change of perspective of where I am in life.

I am still struggling so much, but I am getting there and I really hope that if you are reading this and struggling with life, that you listen and do things that you enjoy eveery now and then. Sometimes others just see a lot clearer than you - no matter who they are.

KK

Some freaking nights!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQkBeOisNM0

Every time I think about my life - which is constantly.... this song comes to mind and it is so spot on.

I spend the majority of my time thinking. All I ever do is think, My mind is constantly running a million kilometres an hour, but in true kkspassion fashion (rhyme intended) I don't care!

I love my mindset and I am constantly telling myself to never let anyone change my mind. I know that I always ramble on about these things, but our minds are powerful things. We are all unique and what we don't say are probably the best parts of us.

Lately I have been so confused on where my future stands, but isn't that the point? Everyone says that we should live in the present, but I think its okay to embrace the past, present and future. No one should tell you how to live your life, but isn't that also what we constantly do to each other?

I am not afraid to seek help and lately I have done just that. I have, however, found that these sources just make things worse! I am sick of people telling me what I should be doing, how I should be doing it and then asking me why I am doing it!!

Some nights I just don't know myself! As I have said before - it's all in the journey, who cares where the destination is?

KK

As scientists we don't observe much.

The black and white of being a scientist is to observe our surroundings and report on it. But I can't think of a single scientist - including students, doctors, vets, that really observe. Yes they observe one thing, focus on the material they need to concentrate on, but its as if we don't have surroundings, air, the sun, the room we are in.

All I'm saying is that a lot of people interested in science are different from the rest. I can't say - as I grow older - where I stand on the scientific mind, but up until today, I feel that it is a lost profession. Most, certainly not all, scientists are so lost and unobservant, but the people that I have dealt with before, honestly don't seem like they are really living to me.

Look, I am not going to get into the right and left brain debate - because personally I don't believe it, a blog for another time perhaps... - but the real analytical thinkers, the science people, Sheldon Cooper, you guys just don't seem to interpret, well... life!

KK