An Ode to the Struggle of a 7 Year Journey

Yesterday I completed my degree. Yes, that was a big sentence for me to write for many reasons. Not only did I finish my final exam with my head held high and with that itching uncertainty, pondering whether I achieved good enough marks, but the back-of-mind realisation of being done. Finished. It did not hit me until this morning, front of mind – I am done. No more prioritising study. No more exams and no more University. I have completed my Bachelor of Science, Majoring in Zoology. I can add it to my resume now. The realisation was bittersweet though, because as the feeling of finishing a degree is unbelievable on a number of levels, it was also beneficial to look back at the struggles, struggles which
took their toll, more than perhaps the degree was worth.

As it took the better part of 7 years to complete. Yes, 7 long years. I seemingly never had time on my side. Truthfully, time was always my friend. I studied for at least 2 out of three trimesters every year, travelled at least an hour to and from uni. Spent 2 years living in Geelong and studying at the Geelong campus, then transferred to Burwood and moved back home. I sliced a finger, twisted an ankle and had my appendix removed. I moved out of home again and in with my boyfriend, bird and gecko’s. I lost close family members and dogs, coping with immense grief. I gained and lost friendships. I did all of this alongside my neurological tremor – Myoclonic Dystonia – which I have had since I was a baby. I struggle with fine and gross motor skills and have a constant ‘jerk’, which makes me ‘jump’ involuntarily at loud noises, dropping something, pouring something or if someone taps me on the shoulder. Now, I completed a science degree – entailing pouring chemicals, pipetting chemicals and matter, handling matter appropriately, measuring very specific fluids, I sorted miniscule bacteria, fluids and matter under a microscope and macroscopic insects into species identified petri dishes, I was always dissecting animals from worms, to frogs, to assisting with biopsies on cats, dogs, birds and kangaroos. I measured and gave medicines for my work and study, did oral presentations and group work and struggled with stress, being diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

Alongside studying, I went through the highs and lows of life. Not wanting to miss out on anything, I pushed myself to volunteer at wildlife shelters, educational wildlife services, countless pet shops, vet clinics, zoos, sanctuaries and wildlife parks, farms and for private collections. I also worked for Phillip Island Nature Parks and did pet sitting. I completed a certificate in ‘work in the animal care industry’, “Pet First Aid and CPR” and became a black belt in karate. I also performed in no less than three amateur theatre productions and began singing lessons.

I failed units, reattempted and failed again. I passed. I cried, lay in bed for days, nearly gave up, persisted, laughed, learnt and squealed with delight.

I must either be resilient, persistent and strong or stubborn and pigheaded. I had some help through the disability department on campus, but truthfully, they did more harm than good. I guess it is hard to help someone when neither party knows how.

I lost my paternal nana a few months before I started my degree, perhaps I did it for her, I know she would have been proud. I get my stubborn streak from her. I want to write a book and educate others on nature; I did my degree to educate myself in these things. Mostly though, I did my degree to achieve something, to put myself in a new world and achieve what I had always been told I could not do, but wholeheartedly wanted to. Now that I have, I cannot decide if I would do it all again, but I do know I am proud of myself and I proved them wrong.

Yes, it may seem like there were more lows than highs, but I am not a whinger, not one to complain and rant and hold grudges. I am not immune to letting my emotions get the better of me, that is just healthy - to have emotions, but overall, I have enjoyed these 7 years. I let myself breathe and be in the moment, I took in the sea air of Geelong and explored this new area far from my home in Gippsland. I enjoyed family time and I have my mum, stepdad, dad and boyfriend to thank for keeping me sane. I loved every single animal I worked with and I met some incredible humans along the way too. I discovered the world of academia and decided it is not for me, that the outdoors will always be where my heart belongs. My love for Australian wildlife grew stronger and ingrained with my love of science as well as the inexplicable things in life. I was a mere 20 when I started on this journey, and now, at 28, I feel at peace with a feeling of completion and achievement. Here is to the next 7 years!

KK