As thirteen is my lucky number, 2013 could only be a stellar year - and boy was it! 2013 was certainly the craziest, strangest, saddest, hardest, exciting, incredible year of my life - and I hope it doesn't end now!
I learnt more than ever, about myself and more importantly, everyone else. I emerged myself in other worlds. I went to university - a whole new world for me (cue Aladdin - because I did feel like I was from the wrong side of the tracks while I was there...) But the biggest things about 2013 - were the hard times.
At the beginning of the year, my Nana passed away. I really don't care what anyone else thinks about how I should feel about that - but I was traumatised. This beautiful woman passed away in February and now that it is December, I am still no where near over it - its so true. Bugger grief, there is no definition to how I feel, perhaps somewhere around anger. I'm in the anger zone because of the people who have tried to help me by downplaying the death - why the hell do we do that? I'm contradicting myself here because I did block the incident out of my head for the majority of the year, then I'd have a cry in the car every couple of weeks. I'd kick and scream into my pillow and then seem like I was over it - especially to myself. Then Midyear, my Nana's sister (my great aunt) also passed away - well what came next, was probably pretty standard, but again, that doesn't make it any less of a thought, an issue, a feeling inside my gut. The amazing thing about all of this was that I didn't break, but I did become weak.
My family means the world to me - um yes I am aware that everyone says that, but in the generation 'Y' era, I friggen' mean it! Every-time I see my extended family, I am truly fascinated... and shit scared. I have so many non-blood relatives and few blood relatives and every year around Christmas - the only thoughts in my mind are of my family and mostly how I have failed them during the year...
Don't get me wrong, my feelings of failure come from forgetting them throughout the year. (Don't lie - we all forget our 2nd cousins birthday or our great grandparents anniversary, even our niece's school play.) For some reason, Christmastime remind's me of everything I should have done. But that could be another post...
Anyway, one of the most exciting things for me this year was doing my singing lessons. Now I am certainly not an impulsive person, but I'd say that this year of independence changed that. I just did it. I started singing lessons for fun and to get my mind off things - and it worked! Another post also.
Among other things, I also had many personal endeavours, which if you know me, you may understand that I am not comfortable expressing online.
Many more ups and downs happened this year, just like any other. The only difference was that it opened my mind, heart and eyes - especially after my weeks of migraines. I get horrific migraines from stress and having constant migraines for more than two weeks proved how stressed I was. But this all came after a very interesting counselling session - which mind you, was supposed to be a kinesiology session...
If you don't know what kinesiology is: http://kerrybelviso.com/kinesiology/what-is-kinesiology/ (pronounced kin-eeeees-eeee-ology)
Anyway, during this counselling session I was told a lot of things about myself and I realised what I should be doing - which actually made me over think it all and become, well neurotic... yes I will admit it. A neuro theme happening here...
Truthfully, I am just starting to get back to normal, but it has taken a very long year, because I believe I felt unreal last year (2012) when I decided on going to uni. In other words I was blocked - in more ways in one. I don't see the light just yet, but I know I'm fine.
Remember guys,
I'm open to everything.
xoxo to me and you all,
KK
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