A turn for the worst...

So I found out today that my dad had done something I'd been dreading...

He has sold Clyden to a developer...

If you have no idea what I'm talking about see here: Clyden, More of Clyden and A little story about Clyden.

Now I know that getting attached to mostly inanimate objects is unhealthy, but, I grew up on this property. I took my first steps, said my first word and had my first tantrum. Plus Clyden stayed a home to me after my parents divorce at a young age until I was at least 19.

Plus all of those inanimate objects, the trees, the birds, the memories, make up a home, a property and that is the closest thing to loving a human being. (romantically) Feeling like your property/partner/love is being ripped from you and literally demolished......

I won't be able to drive past when and after it happens. Now I don't know how many of you will understand, but that's what I feel, so I went there for perhaps the last time the other day.

I parked out the front of the chained shut gate and sat in the car for a minute, staring down the, now overgrown, driveway. Suddenly I jumped out of the car and climbed the gate. As soon as I was on Clyden soil I cried my heart out. I knew something was wrong before dad had told me about the developer.

I ran down the driveway hoping to find some life - perhaps the willy wagtails that always chatted to me and raised their young in the same tree outside the kitchen window every year, or the Jackie Winter's who would attack their reflections in the window, but I saw nothing. The place was dead, eerie even.

Like something out of a movie, the memories came flooding back to me and I stopped where our multiple breeding dogs had puppies and where they grew from tiny fur-balls to jumpy rat-bags. The little stump of wood that I'd sit on in the sun and I wandered under the veranda where I spent many hours, playing with puppies, watching ants and spiders, tripping and other clumsy stuff...
Then I wandered the backyard and realised the fernery had been completely ripped out. I used to pretend I was a fairy in here, I would find Easter eggs in the ferns and underneath plants, I would hide and adore the damp smell akin to a giant rainforest.

I sat where the vast aviaries from dad breeding his birds, used to be and I missed the obnoxious screeches from the parrots...

I wandered the fence-line and smiled at the messes I got into, the places where the daffodils bloomed each spring (now also gone) the place where I once found a crayfish carcass and maggots, (hey I was fascinated at the time...) The tiny shrub of an acorn tree that I planted at least ten years ago, the empty chook shed, the back shed with the shipping container dad had worked in, paint peeling off it, then the paddocks, no fences. I imagined where the fence-line used to be and wandered along that.

My first dog and Best friend - Jacko

I couldn't stop the overwhelming sadness in me. half of the paddock had been mowed and the rest was knee high grass. I didn't care about snakes, I was running through it to reach the back aviary, where the pond I spent hours wading in to find our turtles, fish and any other life lay, completely dried up, weeds everywhere. I couldn't push open the door because it was wrapped in thistles and rusted.

My first dog is buried there in the aviary. I said goodbye long ago, but it still hurts.

I couldn't finish walking the fence-line so I crossed back to the house and headed toward the front lawn. On my way I stopped at the trough, used to be filled with yabbies, it had murky water in it, but no crustaceans... I skimmed the surface of the water and jumped the barbed wire fence, knowing how to from long ago without getting pricked.

I ran along the front porch and crossed over to the old plum trees, usually full with fruit, but very leafy - who knows I might go back for one last batch. Nana (who passed away early last year) used to make jars and jars of beautiful plum jam and we lived off it with bread and butter during Summer!

I turned around to see the magnificent 'Shade tree.' A willow tree that I couldn't resist climbing....

I sat in the tree for what felt like hours, feeling the sun and slight breeze on my face and didn't want to leave. then a car pulled up next to mine out the front so I watched from the tree. They got out, scowled and waited a bit, then got in their car and drove off. I'm assuming this was the developer, which annoyed me so much more. When he was long gone, I practically jumped from the tree and lay in the middle of the lawn - rolling in the grass - almost like rubbing his face in it. I felt so angry, but then came my friend - Willy Wagtail!

He seemed to reassure me and I felt warm and fuzzy. I am glad he is still around and I am sure I will revisit my 'heart' my home again, before it gets demolished...

Trying so hard to stay positive,

KK