An Ode to the Struggle of a 7 Year Journey

Yesterday I completed my degree. Yes, that was a big sentence for me to write for many reasons. Not only did I finish my final exam with my head held high and with that itching uncertainty, pondering whether I achieved good enough marks, but the back-of-mind realisation of being done. Finished. It did not hit me until this morning, front of mind – I am done. No more prioritising study. No more exams and no more University. I have completed my Bachelor of Science, Majoring in Zoology. I can add it to my resume now. The realisation was bittersweet though, because as the feeling of finishing a degree is unbelievable on a number of levels, it was also beneficial to look back at the struggles, struggles which
took their toll, more than perhaps the degree was worth.

As it took the better part of 7 years to complete. Yes, 7 long years. I seemingly never had time on my side. Truthfully, time was always my friend. I studied for at least 2 out of three trimesters every year, travelled at least an hour to and from uni. Spent 2 years living in Geelong and studying at the Geelong campus, then transferred to Burwood and moved back home. I sliced a finger, twisted an ankle and had my appendix removed. I moved out of home again and in with my boyfriend, bird and gecko’s. I lost close family members and dogs, coping with immense grief. I gained and lost friendships. I did all of this alongside my neurological tremor – Myoclonic Dystonia – which I have had since I was a baby. I struggle with fine and gross motor skills and have a constant ‘jerk’, which makes me ‘jump’ involuntarily at loud noises, dropping something, pouring something or if someone taps me on the shoulder. Now, I completed a science degree – entailing pouring chemicals, pipetting chemicals and matter, handling matter appropriately, measuring very specific fluids, I sorted miniscule bacteria, fluids and matter under a microscope and macroscopic insects into species identified petri dishes, I was always dissecting animals from worms, to frogs, to assisting with biopsies on cats, dogs, birds and kangaroos. I measured and gave medicines for my work and study, did oral presentations and group work and struggled with stress, being diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

Alongside studying, I went through the highs and lows of life. Not wanting to miss out on anything, I pushed myself to volunteer at wildlife shelters, educational wildlife services, countless pet shops, vet clinics, zoos, sanctuaries and wildlife parks, farms and for private collections. I also worked for Phillip Island Nature Parks and did pet sitting. I completed a certificate in ‘work in the animal care industry’, “Pet First Aid and CPR” and became a black belt in karate. I also performed in no less than three amateur theatre productions and began singing lessons.

I failed units, reattempted and failed again. I passed. I cried, lay in bed for days, nearly gave up, persisted, laughed, learnt and squealed with delight.

I must either be resilient, persistent and strong or stubborn and pigheaded. I had some help through the disability department on campus, but truthfully, they did more harm than good. I guess it is hard to help someone when neither party knows how.

I lost my paternal nana a few months before I started my degree, perhaps I did it for her, I know she would have been proud. I get my stubborn streak from her. I want to write a book and educate others on nature; I did my degree to educate myself in these things. Mostly though, I did my degree to achieve something, to put myself in a new world and achieve what I had always been told I could not do, but wholeheartedly wanted to. Now that I have, I cannot decide if I would do it all again, but I do know I am proud of myself and I proved them wrong.

Yes, it may seem like there were more lows than highs, but I am not a whinger, not one to complain and rant and hold grudges. I am not immune to letting my emotions get the better of me, that is just healthy - to have emotions, but overall, I have enjoyed these 7 years. I let myself breathe and be in the moment, I took in the sea air of Geelong and explored this new area far from my home in Gippsland. I enjoyed family time and I have my mum, stepdad, dad and boyfriend to thank for keeping me sane. I loved every single animal I worked with and I met some incredible humans along the way too. I discovered the world of academia and decided it is not for me, that the outdoors will always be where my heart belongs. My love for Australian wildlife grew stronger and ingrained with my love of science as well as the inexplicable things in life. I was a mere 20 when I started on this journey, and now, at 28, I feel at peace with a feeling of completion and achievement. Here is to the next 7 years!

KK

Why its important to have a passion (to me)

So it has been a while since I have posted on here, but I always come back - funny that. Covid-19 has been a whirlwind and yes, this devastating disease is a factor - but I am also studying full-time, so I am busy, so busy in fact, I would be isolating whether out of global necessity or not. 

I passed an exceedingly difficult test today. Although many say it, 'study is hard' – I struggle a lot. I struggle for reasons I simply cannot help, no I do not have a closed mindset, but I would rather not discuss my struggles now. This post is about passion – something which can be so ridiculously hard to come by when life is just difficult, frustrating, boring or even busy. I do not dwell on these things, but doesn’t everyone get carried away with daily activities and emotions? This, this right here and now is just sometimes what we must embrace – the moments – when you may have them, that make up why we are here and what we love to do! Perhaps ‘this’ will explain what I am struggling to say:

Life throws lemons at you, you bruise, they bruise - so you cannot make lemonade and you go looking for oranges instead. Those imperfections though, the odd bunch of stories, “really's?” and “why me's?” – one day, you might look back on them and think, “why didn’t I?” or “I am glad that happened” – it’s up to you!

I have learnt not to rely on others too much. If everyone knows everything about me, well I do not think this is possible, but if they did - I guess I would be disappointed. Disappointed in that, they can take everything away, dictate how I feel and even influence what I do and BELIEVE I am capable of. It sucks, but let me show you another song, one I feel just displays this so well:

"All my secrets with you."

I get it, you have a romantic partner or friend and they break your heart, I'm not saying don't tell anyone everything, I'm just saying - keep some things for yourself, know how to perk yourself up.

If you give all of yourself to someone or everyone, it doesn't even have to be someone close, perhaps a mentor, boss, co-worker, friend, parent, sibling, neighbour even, if you let them know everything (or most things) and rely on their response to anything you do, well, are you setting yourself up for pain?

I'm not talking break-ups or regrets, not really. I am talking about being yourself - to yourself. Proving that you can do something purely for you, not for others - your passion. If you can always revert back to your passion after living your everyday life - well to me, that can just be all of the self-care and inspiration I need to keep going, keep fighting!

Stay passionate!

KK

This is not a '28 things I've learned in 28 years', post.

A few days ago I turned 28. Ironically I learned a lot in the time it took me to turn 28 and then write this post (3 days). I have always loved my birthday, it never bothered me getting older - until my 27th birthday.
My 20's have been a rollercoaster (just like most people experience), yet the last few years have left me feeling quite empty, lost and even lonely. For me recently, birthdays have just felt like a lot of pressure to enjoy myself!

I am okay with aging and being 28. It is not the number itself, but the general maternal feeling of aging, (trust me, I know I am still a baby!) I just feel like it was just another day, I knew things could be worse on one hand, but on the other hand, I really just wanted to feel effortlessly renewed and happy to be alive for another year. I guess I had to be more nonchalant this year.

My brother who is 3 years my junior is getting married and I attended his engagement party the day after my 28th birthday. Yes, I felt the need to state that he is my younger brother as I am not yet married, but I grew up always wanting to marry and have children young - by young I mean around the age of 25... So already you may be able to get a sense of the type of 28-year-old I am and am trying to be = a grateful one. I don't want to be the resentful aunt who sees her nieces and nephews playing and only sees what wasn't...

But we are just talking about engagement here - not yet a wedding and no kids yet either, all of that is at least a year away and I think we all know how much really can change in a year!

I feel as though everyone is being respectful and sensitive of how I 'must' be feeling with my brother's engagement party and my birthday being on the same weekend (and I am so grateful for that, even when it oozes pity), it is a constant battle to demonstrate maturity and wisdom, because honestly? They don't know the half of it...

I am nostalgic and sentimental. I am deep and crave meaningful thoughts and interactions. For various reasons, I have changed in the last year. So much so, that I don't revel in those feelings like I used to. I am not proud of myself - this is coming from someone who always was happy, proud and working hard, just to be myself. I am so sentimental, I tend to get upset if I can't get a gift to someone on a special day. I can look at a photograph of an emotional memory, feel exactly how I felt in that moment and I thrive on what I learn from my strengths and mistakes.
To be honest - I haven't made memories in a very long time, at least not happy, passionate and sentimental ones. I am growing numb to that deep kindness and going out of my way for others - my theory is that I have been longing for far too long to have children...

Another notch on my years feels like I have been sitting in jail doing time.

This quote sums up how I feel
and want to change.

In my mind, I removed my birthday from the engagement party because I adore this union. I am so happy for my brother and in gaining a lovely sister-in-law. She is a gorgeous, genuine soul and I can't wait to get to know her (plus I am a bridesmaid... did I mention that??) and thoughts of myself were getting in the way! (That there, my friends, is the most complicated justification of these useless thoughts - EVER!)

In trying to turn this rant around and stop myself from getting more depressed - see my previous post. I am hoping that I can embrace being wholesome - for my own utter sake! (Although being a bridesmaid in 2021 will help, I can't rely on that as my only wholesome memory). I need to make memories, create and just try to feel again!

The most redeeming thing about my birthday was the joy I felt - rewatching Mamma Mia and Mamma Mia - Here We Go Again, uninterrupted! I was so worried that my boyfriend wouldn't enjoy the movies that I almost didn't suggest them when he asked me what I wanted to watch for my birthday! I blurted the titles out last minute and was genuinely shocked when he had no problem watching them (and ended up LOVING them). Now, ABBA is a whole new version of nostalgia for me - I grew up on ABBA songs and well, musicals are also a big part of me.
My boyfriend also surprised me with a cake. A birthday cake. I was genuinely surprised at receiving a cake for my birthday - also very grateful.
(Although others did try to make my day special - this felt forced and almost as though they should give me a shout out... out of (for lack of a better word) guilt!) I hate to be that person, but the engagement did take over my birthday in a way only I could understand.

The problem is, any memories I make now, feel forced.

Thank you for reading my conflicting thoughts...

KK

My Word of the Year - Wholesome

Summing up 2019, with the attitude I want in 2020!

Wholesome - it is a word I hear every now and then, but probably not often enough these days. I was talking briefly to my lovely friend about this and she just tends to embody the word - she is wholesome. We agreed to bring it back!

I then knew I had chosen the right word for myself and perhaps my perspective of what the world needs. This is how I found my word: susannahconway.com/word/

Amongst the sense of impending doom - noticeably among city slickers (sorry, but city people, calm down...) apparently the world is ending with a flu-like virus, bushfires and absolutely no toilet paper in suburban stores - all of which is (unbelievably) happening, but please, there is also so much good in the world!

So my word for 2020 is Wholesome because I want to feel sentimental, warm and comfortable in the style of Hygge and have an 'everything will be okay' quality. I borrowed Disney plus from my to be sister-in-law and watched Winnie the Pooh in early January and realised Pooh is exactly who I want to embrace in 2020! He is the perfect attitude of wholesomeness and I love it.

I am a sentimental soul and as a child, I had the entire Winnie the Pooh gang as my imaginary friends - my mum tells me, that as a toddler, I wouldn't let her close the door behind me until I had my gumboots on and everyone including the ever slow Eeyore, was also out the door and ready to roam our backyard. I know this is true because I remember who I used to be and I boy, was I an adventurous kid!

I hate how far I have fallen from that being that kid.

I find myself now, at 27 going on 28 (in a matter of days), feeling incredibly sentimental for my old self. So from now on, I hope to be wholesome in my own definition of it - not only in appreciating the little things, but revelling in them, so that when I look back in 10 or so years from now - I will be proud of myself.

So what am I actively doing to live by my word?

• Pinterest! It is a gamechanger if you don't see it as social media. I use my Pinterest as a private oasis. A view into my mind and what truly makes me happy. Although a few of my boards are 'locked' I still have so much to share too. Feel free to check my boards out and re-pin: pinterest/laurenkk13/
• Writing letters and sending care packages. I have a few friends who live interstate or far enough away from me, to send them something. Although I have not yet done this, I have a pile of goodies I soon hope to send!
• Actually following my dreams!! - Yeah, if I haven't lost you know with the wholesomeness... of this post, you are probably my good friend! Basically, I have a room full of tools to help me achieve my dreams, but one of the best things I have bought myself and passed around this year - is a life-changing little journal called 'the life map' by the beautiful Youtuber Youtube.com/Muchelleb. Really you just need to get it or watch her videos to get my point of view on why this is wholesome: the-life-map
• Scrapbooking and journalling - Looking back on photos and decorating a page about one memory or getting all of my thoughts on paper about one moment, just feels like bliss for me.
• Re-watching movies I used to love! The list includes: Ten Inch Hero, The Outsiders, Stand-by Me, Anything Disney, The Longest Ride, The Best of Me, Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, Mamma Mia and many more!
• Asking myself (within reason) 'What would 'such and such' do?' (and by 'such and such') I could mean anyone from Winnie the Pooh to my mum!
• Appreciate and revel in the goodness of the world, from the funny thing my brother said to the dish I ate and the smile a stranger gave!

I just want to check my thought often and try to skew them towards the positive, if they are becoming negative - I am not being wholesome enough! 

'Nothing in the world can bother you as much as your own mind'
-Unknown

This is where I'm at now, where are you?

KK

What will 2020 bring?

It is already the 3rd of January in the new decade/new year and I am getting there. I am trying to be fair on myself and not put too much pressure on jumping into my writing. Yet, as I did not have the best of years in 2019, I also need to slap myself a little and get moving, gently.

So here it is - the first post for 2020, I hope I will post a whole lot more than my measly x3 posts in 2019, but no promises...

I guess I should tell you what is new?

• I am aiming to write my stories for just a small period of time per day. I am pleased to say - so far, so good! I have written/edited some parts of my novel for 20-30 each of these three days this year! It feels like an achievement to me anyway.
• I am choosing to feel happy. Yep, this is certainly easier said than done, but thinking of happiness as a choice is an interesting concept and I think it is really going to help me!
• I have chosen my word of the year - check out Susannah Conway - to be
  'Wholesome'and yes, I chose this word after watching Winnie The Pooh, Pooh's Grand Adventure - a childhood favourite of mine. I mean is there a better word to describe the crew of the Hundred Acre Wood than 'wholesome?' (If you have no idea who I am talking about, know that I am 27 years old and many of you under 20 may rightfully be lost to my 90's Disney reference...)
  Yet, I did not choose my word of the year, just for the joy of Pooh, but to be sentimental, healthy and passionate - all in a steady manner. It makes sense to me...

Well, that is just about all which is new right now, unfortunately.

Here's to 2020!

KK

Waiting for the switch

I could probably give ten different quotes about never letting the spark/light/fire go out, but in the hopes of not using a cringy elemental quote or worse (unpopular opinion* - I am not the biggest Harry Potter fan) that quote Dumbledore says about remembering to switch on the light while hovering his hand over the candle....

My point among all of that unnecessary ranting, was, where has my passion gone? This blog is KK's passion after all (KK is me...) but honestly, I am struggling. I have had a really long, super-tough year, just last month I had two of my Uncle's pass away - I have such fond memories of them as a child and it was a very emotional week, I am still struggling. I had also just finished Uni, with killer assignments and exams...

My natural, tense position these days.

I won't focus on the negative, because I hate that. I just want to get back into writing. I am waiting for that switch - the switch that always lights up that spark of inspiration, which then turns into full-blown passion, ideas, and just basic happiness.

I can't seem to find that switch though.

There is no scientific or even spiritual study on this 'switch' I tend to have. All I know (in my sole observations on my sole self) is that I always, ALWAYS get my passion, spark and drive back after a lull, but this particular lull has been the longest I have ever had.

I am tired, tense, stuck and a little worried about the future. I hope this changes.

I know I will find that switch at some point. I cannot fathom life without my passion. I am just trying to please so many other people, as well as check on others grieving for my Uncle's and their own dire situations, among other life problems, that I know I have neglected myself.

What is that other cliche quote?

'You can't pour from an empty cup, take care of yourself first.' - Unknown

Yes, I googled those exact words to get the wording right, but I did in fact already have the words right...

I really do know what I have to do to make things, even the slightest bit better, yet, well that switch really does help.

Boy, I really hope this makes sense,

KK

Renewing KK's passion

Life is ridiculously hard. how many times have you read that in an article, blog, book, etc? Well for me, I try not to dwell in the hard places of life, yet this is easier said than done. I do, however, feel I need to confess a few things.

I seem to have lost my passion.

Hence, why I have not been posting for a while. On this blog. KK's Passion. If I did, it would be quite hypocritical of me.

I don't know yet, whether I want to reveal the most personal parts of why I may have lost my passion, but my health, work/study careers, and relationships are what we all sometimes go through and it sucks when we are broken by it.

I don't know if I can just reignite my passion like a match to wood, but I am going to try.

For now, though, I am hoping that my passion for writing will return as long as I just keep writing...

This song has been (for lack of a better phrase) my guiding light, for the better part of the year and if you haven't seen the movie I highly recommend it for all ages:
Sound the Bugle - Brian Adams (Spirit, stallion of the Cimarron soundtrack)

I hope you can stay passionate,
KK

Hello 2019!

 As 2018 was a very tough year for me, I am going to take it easy in 2019 without being too hard on myself. Usually, I am willing to set challenges, work extremely hard and just push myself to achieve and experience, but that's not what I need right now.

I started the year off on a camping trip with some friends and that in itself bought up mixed feelings. I knew that I screwed up my 2018 all by myself and in 2019 I am determined, yet not promising, that I will get back on track - whatever track that may be!

I am back at Uni again this year, hopefully, to follow through to completion by 2020 and boy has this study been a long road, because truthfully, I have been studying for all of my 20's and I will be 27 this year - you do the math... I am really trying not to be ashamed. Let's be honest though, I have changed campuses twice and changed from part-time to full-time, which hasn't helped.

The #tenyearchallenge sees me as not much different at all - apart from a different tan and white dog, I am very similar to my sixteen-year-old self, now almost twenty-seven, I just look more tired - again, another excuse to take it slow and simple this year.

Fitting to this post, my word of the year is:

STEADY



Obviously, I just want to take it easy this year as mentioned earlier and steady seemed like the perfect word! In living by this word for the year my focus will be on:

• Slowly etching away at my goals
• getting out in nature more
• focusing on eating well, exercising and getting plenty of sleep.
• saving, saving, saving! (money)
• enjoying my work to the best of my ability (employment and Uni)

My big goals include:

• writing - working on this blog and my story.
• photography - back to nature and maybe entering some competitions? I am a complete novice though.
• Immersing myself in studying and focusing on one topic at a time, in smaller time increments. I am aiming to go into one of three scary fields of further study after completing my Bachelors and I want to gently work towards figuring out which one! 
• Becoming more confident and social. 

My smaller, yet just as meaningful goals include:

• Reading without any pressure on numbers (with this tactic I have already listened to two amazing audiobooks and I am halfway through a 380-page book from my favorite author!) 
• Keeping a reading log of books, articles, papers, audiobooks and any information I have consumed. I want to prove that I read more than I do, but in a gentle way.
• Volunteering to add to my resume and end the year with a bang... steadily. I plan to only volunteer when I am feeling 100% able to. (It is hard work)
• Practice singing and do singing lessons.

Every January seems like a big chance for new beginnings and without putting too much pressure on myself, I really aim to just begin to chip away at all of this. Most of the goals I have already begun, so I guess I am halfway done!

Enjoy your 2019, no matter how it was started,

KK

Orange - December reflections 2018

Orange is one of my favourite colours and I think it is highly underrated. Orange in nature is especially beautiful - just look at this sunset!

It was along the Murray River where I captured that sunset while camping. I also had the amazing chance to witness the Rainbow Bee Eaters during mating season - and well as you can see, orange is prominent in nature for a reason!

I also love the orange Australian desert, plumage and fur colour in animals, other textures and the glow of the sun - usually in the morning or when it is outside hazy and looks more orange.

Fun facts: Orange is the colour between yellow and red on the rainbow spectrum and colours such as oranges and pinks actually show up in the sky at sunrise and sunset due to either dust particles (especially in the case of oranges) and/or the scattering of gas molecules in the atmosphere.

I hope to go back into the Australian desert one day and pay more attention to the rich colours of our land, including orange, but this year has been more of a time for staying home and hopefully next year there will be more adventures and photos of adventures!

KK

Morning light - December reflections 2018

Here in Australia, it is HOT around Christmas, usually. The morning light is generally warm and scorching by mid-morning. These photos were taken on my morning walks for work and as I looked up, the sun was peering through the whirling clouds.

I would love to capture a photo of the dawn, but I am struggling to get enough sleep at the moment, so by the time I wake up, the sun is already beaming through the house. I was always an early riser, but I don't think the daylight savings and adult life is very helpful with that, on top of all of the other things I need to do daily and often at night!

Here is to getting up earlier and enjoying full days of Summer. I want to start getting fit, active and strong with my mind and body and for me, morning light has a LOT to do with that!

KK

Christmas spirit - where has it gone?

I have been that person this year, who has been so busy and more-so just a little lazy, therefore I haven't gotten as into Christmas this year (2018) as I most certainly have for other years! I have attempted and sometimes succeeded and also failed to do 'vlogmas' before, but this year I just don't have the time to do it! I do have a Christmas tree up and I have planned presents, even an advent calendar for my household, but when it comes to daily Christmas love, it is severely lacking in spirit, cheer, even Christmas movies!

So to set things straight, who better to get the prompts going than with Zoe Sugg, Britain's YouTuber of Christmas... (I didn't want to say, 'queen,' because Britain already has a great Queen of everything...)

So as with my previous post, I have decided to write about the theme of each day, here on my blog rather than through Instagram. Here are the prompts:

Happy Christmas, because really, Christmas is December, not just one day!

KK

December reflections 2018

Well, my blogging has been in short supply during 2018, but we all have our down times. Seeing as I haven't been writing as much as I'd like to this year, I am going to look back and try to not only understand why but try to make better changes for 2019.

Therefore, rather than using my usual platform on Instagram to post the same prompts I do every year from Susannah Conway, I will post the prompts on my blog and write as much as I can! Praise to Susannah's website and Instagram as she is the only person who makes these beautiful prompts where I can actually relate, stop, think and process.

Generally, these prompts include a photo, so that is what I will do, but I want to put much more than that. Because I am an uncoordinated and slower typer on my phone, I am going to skip Instagram posts and write a proper, nice, long blog post which you will have the choice to read, not more spam for Instagram. (rhyme intended)

So stay tuned for the first few days and maybe you can join me in reflecting on your year!

KK

Motivation Monday: Start with a smile!

Mondays can be hard, but so can any day really. When things are extremely difficult though, it can be very taxing and insanely hard to face the day ahead. The best way I find to do this though is to just smile. You don't have to smile at anyone or even do it in the mirror. Just a little smile at one corner of the mouth can help.

I try to think about the fact that I actually woke up this morning, that I have arms and legs, etc. - The smallest things can help.

If simple gratitude doesn't work, try watching a funny video, have a list of things that make you smile or laugh or even think about someone farting - I don't know, something about farts is just so damn funny!

Whatever it is that makes you smile, its really about stopping and embracing the moment and there is certainly a lot of value in moments!

KK

My Inner Child

The title of this post may sound a little 'woo woo' to you, but I assure you - it doesn't have to be. I think of my inner child, literally as 'me.' Thinking back to my childhood, I can clearly picture the innocence and sense of adventure I had. Thinking back to that happy, adventurous child running through long grass, climbing onto roofs, haystacks and trees are a lot easier to reflect on than doing those things as an adult... usually.

Being an adult is hard work. I'm not saying that adulthood sucks and being a child is bliss, but they are different. Seeing as I really always knew who, what and where I wanted to be, I knew if I worked hard and became a decent human, I'd achieve my dreams. I often get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life now - so, just thinking about the days when I was a kid really help me and bring all that I wanted, back into perspective.

I know that not every childhood was like mine and not everyone knew what they wanted to do when they grew up. I do believe that everyone must have at least a handful of moments that reveal pure innocence and joy - even if you have blocked them out or don't care to admit it.

You may think I am dwelling on the past, but the truth is I am not, far from it really. I choose to remember those times and smile because I know that at that age, I believed in myself - so why aren't I doing that now?

A big reason why I go back to my childhood and remember how it was is to recall inspiration, wonder, excitement, love, nostalgia, sentimentality, sadness, physical hurt and the life-changing moments and other emotions we are supposed to feel. I don't generally experience these every day, I do think they are good to feel and take in. As a creative, I also often need to recreate similar characters in my writing. It is much easier to remember curiosity, excitement and lose count of the number of times I laughed when reflecting on my younger self. Fun fact: we don't laugh anywhere near as much as we did as children!

The meditation I use to do this is from The Honest Guys YouTube channel: Heal your inner child

If you still aren't sure how much your inner child can help you overcome the worst, watch this video with an open mind and do it privately so that you can immerse yourself in, you: 

So embrace your inner child, regularly if possible and remember that you really haven't changed all that much, you can still have fun, right?

KK

Left: This is me as a kid (I don't know what age) with the cows and another with my brother.
























Below: is a picture of me now (at 26.)

Just laugh!

It is so easy to hold onto anger, frustration, resentment, grief or any other of those hard emotions. I say 'hard' because I really believe that you need to acknowledge them, not disown them. They can be 'hard' to face and deal with, but they usually make you stronger - if you let them...

If you do find it hard to cope with any feeling really, I find the best thing I can do is just laugh. Yeah I know, it sounds ridiculous right? Just hear me out.

Now, I totally understand how hard this can be, especially when you don't find everything funny, (like me...) but if you write a list of T.V shows or movies that make you laugh, jokes, funny stories, comments/funny memories with friends and family. Hey, even resort to cats, Weird Al Yankovic, (my personal favourite is Ebay) or people falling over on Youtube. Just work out what makes you laugh. Personally if I am really upset or even angry, I find the most joy in my animals - especially the antics my dogs get up to. If you don't have pets, go to a pet shop or (self promotion alert) watch my YouTube videos on my crazy dogs! animal montage video (I apologise for my terrible filming...)

When those feelings creep up, its important to get yourself out of it - 99% of the time, no one else will. Yes, it seems daunting that it is up to you to help yourself, but really, no one else can. Laughter really is the best medicine though and even if you don't realise it at the time, it can crack the hard feeling and if you continue to embrace it, even by just smiling and thinking about all that is still good in your life - its always there! Well it is a lot easier to be happy when you allow it, not force, allow. Life is hard, but never really as hard as you think.

Stay strong and laugh at yourself,
or me!

KK

I'm fine tuning, but I'm still me!

Here is a selfie. I don't do selfie's.

However I do have this selfie because I know that I was incredibly happy in this moment. It's a moment I want to remember. I am genuinely smiling and I just feel great here - it doesn't really matter why.
My point here, is that we go through changes in our life (I mean I took a selfie, when I don't like to) and that doesn't change who we are, it just helps us fine tune our personality.

I have been meditating (I mediate at least twice a day) to a guided meditation, (on the app - Headspace) on change - and this is very ironic, because a lot has changed in my life recently!

Through study, career, relationships, health and the rest of life, change can really help to keep me focused. It doesn't have to be drastic change, but little changes (I have never been a fan of routine) can still make a great impact.

I recently listened to this great podcast, where Ilene - better known as Lavendaire - talks about just that, being true to yourself. Ilene has so much to say about owning your worth and so many other creative lifestyle tips. Her resources are really extraordinary. Links below:

podcast: Lavendaire - Be true to yourself, but don't get attached to any identity

Lavendaire website: www.lavendaire.com

It is just always nice to remember that change doesn't change us - unless we allow it to and I believe that a little change can make me realise who I really am and what I really want!

Enjoy change and do what you can to change!

KK

Be the 'One that got away!'

I'm going to propose something impossible,

- envisage this.

Your partner or your crush, whom you are incredibly enamoured with, you have so many memories, so much in common, you have fun, laugh, feel comfortable with each other and there are endless possibilities. 

Then it ends, before it has begun...

When all is said and done in a relationship, it can be so hard to get back into life and focus on yourself, focus on the future, etc. But in retrospect, if I took it in my stride and just thought that the person who would have been my partner, missed out, I'd be okay with that. No self- pity parties and the usual break-up disasters, (or in a crushing case, wonder about what never happened...) If you turn it around and consider that 'it was never meant to be,' it really can help.

It all takes time of course, but as I have said so many times on this blog, you are the glow, the shine. You are awesome the way you are. You are the gold that makes life worth living, if someone didn't appreciate that, then they didn't get to experience your glow, you, however always will.

If you love yourself, you can love another. After a break up, it feels impossible to recover, be the pure, golden joy that you are and can spread to everyone in your life, but your glow or whatever you wish to call it never goes away, sometimes it becomes hidden when your mind is elsewhere, but when you glow, those who have wronged you miss out - so bring back the glow!

Be the beautiful you that got away, because you never want to escape yourself!

KK

High standards

I got another one today. One of those emails that say: 'you aren't good enough.' Well they attempt to put it nicely, but that really is exactly what they mean.
By 'they' I don't mean bullies, teachers, politicians, doctors or even a potential boss - I am talking about someone that I have asked advice from.

Let me explain...

I am coming to the end of my current University degree and therefore asking career counsellors, lecturers and really anyone that I can, to lend some advice on what my next move should be. (I actually have some great ideas in my head, but I'm not telling anyone, especially going by the way my own academic institution views me...) and all I keep hearing is either 'you need high marks,' 'try to volunteer more,' 'you need to have a great resume' or 'you aren't based in this area, so you can't work there.'

Excuse me?

First of all, I need to point out that these 'advice givers' are well meaning, I mean, they took the time to respond to my messages and gave me answers to the questions that I'd asked, but not one person has said - 'there is always another way to get where you want to be.'

Now I really only expect generic advice from my academic institution, because if I have learnt anything about higher level tertiary education - it is certainly that 'grades matter.' This is fine, I don't expect them not to, but does anyone consider the alternatives, outside of grades?

- disabilities
- how well someone can physically do something (not just mentally)
- grief
- depression/anxiety
- distractions
- hard home life
- 'disadvantaged' living
- work/family/life [imbalance]
- rural living
- 'disadvantaged' upbringing
- LIFE...

The irony of these alternatives, is that there are postgraduate degrees that allow students with an undergraduate degree to learn to 'help' these 'disadvantaged' people, but to get into that course one needs very high grades.... "insert eye roll emoji."

I'm not angry. I'm really not. If anything I am determined. I have more than one of the above 'issues' in my life and, well so does every other human being. I don't blame people for praising the highly academic minded people, after all, they seem to have given up a lot to get where they are.

But I too have given up a lot to be where I am, I have also gained so much more than I thought I ever could. This leaves me to pity those that make these rules of needing to meet certain standards. I mean, I know the world is competitive and this somehow justifies needing standards to do certain things in life, but that's okay... I'll find another way around.

As the song goes,

I've always found my way somehow, by taking the long way...

The long way around - Dixie Chicks

Motivation Monday: sing and dance

Whether anyone is watching or not!


As my singing teacher says "We were born to be heard!" (She does go on, to explain that to cry and scream are just natural to us and so should singing, but another post perhaps? Check her out here at The Mac Project)

Its so inspiring to know that we have this natural ability to raise our voice and move our bodies - whether singing or screaming, dancing or bopping, whatever your taste in music is, embrace what you can naturally do with it!

There is no better motivation for the start of the week than singing and dancing! I wake up with a playlist ready and whether I have to drive to uni or stay home and clean - I blast my (always country) music and dance like nobody is watching.... even though the dogs/cat/bird/gecko's, etc. always are watching! Sometimes there is nothing better than singing either! Singing and dancing - like exercise, releases endorphin's and therefore makes you feel good - what better to do on a Monday morning?

Sing and dance your heart out this Monday!

KK

Shut your thoughts down

Overthinking is something that I often forget has only bad consequences. We imagine negative things that just will not happen and rarely realise we are overthinking, but we all do it at one time or another, right?

I believe overthinking is the biggest cause of unhappiness. It means that you are not living in the moment and finding peace, but don't forget - there is thinking rationally and overthinking.

I think it is completely okay to think things through - actually its good to do that, rather than being mindless, numb or not considering anything at all. However, you know you are overthinking when you feel like crap, well, that's at least how I know.

To prevent overthinking and be happy is to simply be in the moment, and for me, even daydreaming about my desires. 
Daydream about the little things and let any negative thoughts just pass by, like clouds in the sky. I try to listen to my breathing and give myself time to dream up all of the wondrous possibilities without getting too attached to any thought.

It's all about slowing down your 'monkey brain - watch this link' and coming back to the moment. 

I also pay attention to song lyrics, I try to put music on if I'm overthinking and just try to focus on what the person is singing. I even try to feel what the person is singing about and that can help me put things into perspective.

Other ways to slow down are to go for a walk, or even a run to shake the thoughts of quickly. I love to play with my dogs and run around with them, this way I usually end up smiling and laughing - forgetting what I was worried about!

There are so many ways to overthink, but just as many, if not more, to shake that off.

Remember that there is so much to live for, so why worry about it?

KK

February Reflections 2017

I find that, in the second month of the year, all resolutions have, uh, 'gone to hell,' but people tend to still be hopeful of a great year - the time it takes for the Earth to orbit the sun. I ended up doing quite a lot, in what also happens to be the shortest month of the year... (I am hoping that these facts are known to everyone...)

In anticipation of uni starting, (in early March) I felt that this February was all about 'starting the year off right' and getting inspired!

Here are some of the things I got up to in Feb 2017!

Lululemon and Collective Hub's - Practice to Purpose

On this sunny day, I had breakfast in Melbourne at the smart artz gallery event hosted by my favourite magazine collective hub and the active wear brand, lululemon. The event: From Practice to Purpose showcased innovative speakers with the initiative to focus on vision and goals. My friend, Michelle and I drove to the city early and were served smoothies, smoothie bowls and fruit, salad, coffee and more delicious foods, while listening to the speakers and getting some great motivation to jump into goal setting with a worksheet and an A4 quote - "Ideas alone won't create a life you love, putting them into action will!"

Birthdays!

I celebrated my mum and my beautiful friends birthdays - shout out to mum, Sarah and Andrew!

Devil Cat

The family cat - Mickey, got into a lot of mischief - half killing some birds, lizards and anything he could catch. I had a great time putting animals out of their misery and then keeping this fur ball locked up...

The McClymonts!

I saw The McClymonts live! An amazing country band (that I have worshipped for many years) went on their 'Endless tour' and I was close to the stage, just in euphoria, listening to these energetic girls!

The opener, Demi Louise was just as brilliant and I bought her CD too, one song of which - I relate to a lot Taxi Driver, Here I am with her in the bottom left photo and my mum and I with The McClymonts at the top!

Autographs and smiles all around!

The local show.

It's tradition for my dad and I to go to our local Agricultural show (which is now more of a general carnival) and I went again this year. I spent half the day with my dad and the other half with my friend and her friend, Michelle and Donna. The thing I love about this tradition is the little things, the community atmosphere and the fun! I always go in the morning when the livestock are being showed and graded, because that is just so fascinating to me - especially the cattle! Later in the day I watched all of the local talent perform on the small stage, including my super talented friend - Sunny, with whom I then watched the closing fireworks with! It really was a magical day - with me really focusing on the good stuff!

And that pretty much sums up that amazing month!

KK

The refresh

Things always get better. Its all about refreshing.

Whenever I have had a slump in life, (and I have had many) I find that I am better for it when I refresh my mind and make myself remember why I love the things I'm doing.

Now, I'm not talking anything huge or 'weird' like spa retreats, meditation, even travel or anything that comes to mind when I say 'refresh.'

Recently, I have felt up-in-the-air about my studies, blog and a few other things, so I thought about what I used to do to get myself motivated. I think it also helps, to come up with new, refreshing ways, to be inspired as well.

I used to do 'photo-shoots' with my friend (by 'photo-shoots' I mean taking photos outside with a cheap camera and ordering my friend around, certainly amateur stuff!) And the amount of fun we used to have, was just priceless, plus I got some great, genuine shots for my blog/memories. So I took to the park with my friends and did just that. I used my phone (I left my SD card at home, I bought the shell of the camera though...) and the shots came out really well. Once my friends got used to the idea of being more natural, everything just flowed. (So you'll be seeing some of those photo's soon!)

I also started writing with my personal projects again. I haven't had the inspiration to do this lately, so I let it go, put it low on my priority list and threw myself into study. I had forgotten this, but that was just what I needed for my inspiration to flow, letting go of overthinking.... I re-watched some great movies and downloaded some songs I used to listen to when I wrote and BAM, I could write with flow again!

Now with study... the hardest of all. I study science by the way, and it's not always easy. For me, it is very personal - how I get back into focus with this. If you want to know more about that side of me, head over to my other blog never doubt nature.

Some previous photo-shoots for fun!

Find what refreshes you and do it!

KK