Waiting for the switch

I could probably give ten different quotes about never letting the spark/light/fire go out, but in the hopes of not using a cringy elemental quote or worse (unpopular opinion* - I am not the biggest Harry Potter fan) that quote Dumbledore says about remembering to switch on the light while hovering his hand over the candle....

My point among all of that unnecessary ranting, was, where has my passion gone? This blog is KK's passion after all (KK is me...) but honestly, I am struggling. I have had a really long, super-tough year, just last month I had two of my Uncle's pass away - I have such fond memories of them as a child and it was a very emotional week, I am still struggling. I had also just finished Uni, with killer assignments and exams...

My natural, tense position these days.

I won't focus on the negative, because I hate that. I just want to get back into writing. I am waiting for that switch - the switch that always lights up that spark of inspiration, which then turns into full-blown passion, ideas, and just basic happiness.

I can't seem to find that switch though.

There is no scientific or even spiritual study on this 'switch' I tend to have. All I know (in my sole observations on my sole self) is that I always, ALWAYS get my passion, spark and drive back after a lull, but this particular lull has been the longest I have ever had.

I am tired, tense, stuck and a little worried about the future. I hope this changes.

I know I will find that switch at some point. I cannot fathom life without my passion. I am just trying to please so many other people, as well as check on others grieving for my Uncle's and their own dire situations, among other life problems, that I know I have neglected myself.

What is that other cliche quote?

'You can't pour from an empty cup, take care of yourself first.' - Unknown

Yes, I googled those exact words to get the wording right, but I did in fact already have the words right...

I really do know what I have to do to make things, even the slightest bit better, yet, well that switch really does help.

Boy, I really hope this makes sense,

KK

Renewing KK's passion

Life is ridiculously hard. how many times have you read that in an article, blog, book, etc? Well for me, I try not to dwell in the hard places of life, yet this is easier said than done. I do, however, feel I need to confess a few things.

I seem to have lost my passion.

Hence, why I have not been posting for a while. On this blog. KK's Passion. If I did, it would be quite hypocritical of me.

I don't know yet, whether I want to reveal the most personal parts of why I may have lost my passion, but my health, work/study careers, and relationships are what we all sometimes go through and it sucks when we are broken by it.

I don't know if I can just reignite my passion like a match to wood, but I am going to try.

For now, though, I am hoping that my passion for writing will return as long as I just keep writing...

This song has been (for lack of a better phrase) my guiding light, for the better part of the year and if you haven't seen the movie I highly recommend it for all ages:
Sound the Bugle - Brian Adams (Spirit, stallion of the Cimarron soundtrack)

I hope you can stay passionate,
KK

Hello 2019!

 As 2018 was a very tough year for me, I am going to take it easy in 2019 without being too hard on myself. Usually, I am willing to set challenges, work extremely hard and just push myself to achieve and experience, but that's not what I need right now.

I started the year off on a camping trip with some friends and that in itself bought up mixed feelings. I knew that I screwed up my 2018 all by myself and in 2019 I am determined, yet not promising, that I will get back on track - whatever track that may be!

I am back at Uni again this year, hopefully, to follow through to completion by 2020 and boy has this study been a long road, because truthfully, I have been studying for all of my 20's and I will be 27 this year - you do the math... I am really trying not to be ashamed. Let's be honest though, I have changed campuses twice and changed from part-time to full-time, which hasn't helped.

The #tenyearchallenge sees me as not much different at all - apart from a different tan and white dog, I am very similar to my sixteen-year-old self, now almost twenty-seven, I just look more tired - again, another excuse to take it slow and simple this year.

Fitting to this post, my word of the year is:

STEADY



Obviously, I just want to take it easy this year as mentioned earlier and steady seemed like the perfect word! In living by this word for the year my focus will be on:

• Slowly etching away at my goals
• getting out in nature more
• focusing on eating well, exercising and getting plenty of sleep.
• saving, saving, saving! (money)
• enjoying my work to the best of my ability (employment and Uni)

My big goals include:

• writing - working on this blog and my story.
• photography - back to nature and maybe entering some competitions? I am a complete novice though.
• Immersing myself in studying and focusing on one topic at a time, in smaller time increments. I am aiming to go into one of three scary fields of further study after completing my Bachelors and I want to gently work towards figuring out which one! 
• Becoming more confident and social. 

My smaller, yet just as meaningful goals include:

• Reading without any pressure on numbers (with this tactic I have already listened to two amazing audiobooks and I am halfway through a 380-page book from my favorite author!) 
• Keeping a reading log of books, articles, papers, audiobooks and any information I have consumed. I want to prove that I read more than I do, but in a gentle way.
• Volunteering to add to my resume and end the year with a bang... steadily. I plan to only volunteer when I am feeling 100% able to. (It is hard work)
• Practice singing and do singing lessons.

Every January seems like a big chance for new beginnings and without putting too much pressure on myself, I really aim to just begin to chip away at all of this. Most of the goals I have already begun, so I guess I am halfway done!

Enjoy your 2019, no matter how it was started,

KK